The last three months have been a rollercoaster. In September I was diagnosed with Grade 4 Hodgkin Lymphoma cancer, and started intensive and aggressive chemotherapy.
I wasn’t/am not able to exercise as the cancer ate away much of my right hip bone and some of my pelvis, and I lost interest in tracking my calories, eating anything I wanted because ‘I have cancer and might die, so why should I stop myself enjoying things?’. I was also on a shit ton of steroids, which made me want to eat everything in sight.
Well, here we are three months later, and I’ve been told my cancer shows complete metabolic response. In other words, it has responded incredibly well to the chemo and there’s now no sign of it. I still have to undergo three or four more months of chemo but I’m not going to die (yay!). This morning I weighed myself and I’ve put on half a stone. More than that, I’ve lost all my fitness and strength. I’m so angry at myself and my body, even though I know I should be grateful and treating myself much more kindly after what I’ve been through.
I don’t know where to start again now. I picked up a cross trainer from Gumtree, and managed 10 minutes on it this morning, but I won’t be able to do any serious exercise until/unless my bone regrows.
My parents are kindly helping care for me during my treatment, but their cooking isn’t what I would want to eat to try and lose weight - but I don’t want to seem ungrateful and not eat what they have made.
It just feels like a lot at the moment.
I am 5ft4 and 151lbs, which I do understand isn’t huge but being chubby and bald and useless at right now is destroying my mental health.
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