How it feels to gain weight

I wanted to post my thoughts on how it has felt for me to gain the weight I am now trying to lose.

My background: I grew up petite and somewhat athletic. I did manage to lose about 10 pounds one year in college but of course gained it back over time. Other women in my family are also petite and generally average weight to thin. I may not have the same story as many people in this sub, but we can still all relate to needing support and encouragement.

Since finishing college I have slowly gained more and more weight each year until my heaviest point at just over 150. I’m 5’2 so this puts me at about ~30 lbs heavier than I’d ideally be. Currently I am down 5-7 pounds after about 4 weeks of CICO. The past few days I have been craving more food and feeling frustrated because I’m still feeling my heaviest in my mind even though I am down from my actual heaviest.

I wanted to talk about how it felt to gain the weight and hopefully remind myself not to let it happen again.

I grew up small. Smaller than most other girls I knew. So I got used to being the small one. In college I met many other small girls and plenty smaller than me, but I was still small! I was used to always buying size small and things always felt like they fit as they should.

Then I started to gain weight. Slowly. Over time. And it was hard to accept. Hard to buy the size medium and eventually size large. Hard to have friends say ‘you can borrow one of my shirts’ and have to say it would be too small. Very hard to see clothing that was once big on me become tight or too small.

Something I don’t hear people talk much about is how physically uncomfortable it is to gain weight. I started to change my sleeping position because the excess weight made it uncomfortable to continue sleeping that way! Stretching and bending into certain positions became harder as my stomach got bigger and would bunch up where I bent. Just standing up became uncomfortable as my sides settled into a fold of excess weight. I started to feel it when I walked and hated the feeling, but didn’t change. I look at my face and can’t believe I’m the same person. When I grew up being small, I had developed an idea in my head of what I looked like. And now to look at myself and see a round face and a vanished jawline, it is extremely difficult.

My weight loss goal is to feel like myself again. To look in the mirror and see the person I see when I close my eyes. The person I expect to see, and am still shocked when I don’t. I need to stay motivated to get back to who I am, instead of someone who tries so hard to hide the way my body has changed. Like I can pretend it hasn’t happened. I’ve finally admitted to myself that I have a lot of weight to lose, and I am committed to losing it.

Thanks for listening.

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