I've been fat my entire life (around 30bmi since middle school). I've never managed to get to a healthy weight, even though weight loss has been my one overriding goal for more than 20 years.
I can't think of one day of my life where if I was granted one wish I wouldn't have used it to lose weight. I just can't seem to get any control over it.
I'm currently at bmi 32, and every day I start over and recommit to losing weight. I wrestle with all the thoughts in my head that tell me I'm gross and no one wants me there, and I go to the gym anyway (I always go 4-5 days a week). It's exhausting.
I don't keep any junk food in the house, and if I do it's stuff my kids/husband like but I don't, like fruit snacks or ramen noodles. I cook almost every meal at home. I read book after book on weight loss, will power, and habit formation. I eat off small plates. I get 8 hours sleep. I've tried keto, I've tried IF, I've tried behaviour modification therapy. I've tried medifast, I've weight watchers (4 times). I spent November doing Whole 30 and managed to gain 5 pounds.
I'm at a complete loss about what to try next. I understand I need to eat less I just can't fucking seem to be able to do it. I always start the day counting calories with a great attitude and it always falls off the rails. But never in the same way twice, it seems. There's no particular pattern in the way I fail.
I can't figure it out. Am I just broken?
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