A couple of years ago, I’d lost a total of 60 pounds. In the last couple weeks I was losing a pound a day before I settled into 185 at 5’4. I maintained that weight for about 8 months with no issues. I got comfortable, and so stagnated despite being only a little more than halfway done with my weight loss.
Around 9 months ago I started gaining some weight back. I’ve managed not to go over 200, but I haven’t seen anything below it for a several months now.
Up until about a week ago, I was trying to lose the weight I’ve gained back by doing what I used to do: very low calorie diet, low carb, high fat. My weight didn’t budge. It was frustrating because I’d done the same thing before and got quick results that were easy to maintain.
So a week ago I decided to go all in, hard. I figured maybe since I’m just a little older now my metabolism might be slightly slower, and that not eating enough actually makes it worse the way people say it does. This didn’t seem to be the case for me before, nevertheless, I took the hint and I’ve been working out and counting every calorie, measuring everything, bought a food scale and measuring cups, all of it. I’ve been meticulous.
Every day, I walk at 5.5 mph with no incline for 50 minutes. According to various calculators, this means I burn anywhere from 660 and 780 calories from my cardio workout. I’ve lifted weights once this week, pretty light weight with high-ish rep, but enough that I’m a little sore. I drink a lot of water, sometimes more than the recommended 8 glasses a day. Aside from sauces, I’ve been eating very clean.
As an example for what I eat vs what I burn, yesterday I ate a 870 calories throughout the day before my workout. Throughout my day after, 673. That’s 1543 food total minus 660 from the workout. It put me at a 316 deficit under 1200. I also over-estimate (round-up would be a better way to put it) what I eat to ensure I’m not underestimating, and I’m conservative with the estimate of how much I burn so as not to overestimate it.
My weight hadn’t moved at All, even decimally, after the first few days. I weighed myself both today and yesterday out of frustration.
I’ve gained a pound each day.
Now, I know a week isn’t enough time to really lose anything when you’re doing it properly. I know weight fluctuates.
But this doesn’t make any fucking sense. Just by the math, I should’ve lost at Least half a pound by now. I’ve made sure I eat back what I burn while staying in a deficit. There’s no way I’ve gained 2 pounds of muscle, and if it’s water weight, why did it go up a pound per day instead of me just waking up to it, or seeing the difference within the same 24-hour period?
I’m uncomfortable with how much I’m eating even though I know for a fact I’m not over eating. If I hadn’t gone so long eating so little and losing nothing I’d scurry back to that. I see weight gain and associate it with how much I’ve consumed, since, being obese, that has been my life for years. The fact that I’ve stayed the same eating little and gained weight eating more is very, very stressful. I’ve been a champion of not binging anymore for a few years now with very few relapses, and just that sort of control has improved my mental health to a degree difficult to convey. Eating more now terrifies me. I’m doing it, and I’ll keep doing it. But it’s scary.
I will say I’m visibly smaller in places. I don’t own a measuring tape, and stupidly haven’t taken pictures, but my jawline is a little more defined than it was before I started a week ago, my breasts are less droopy/squishy due to excess weight, and my kneecaps are emerging more from the surrounding fat on my legs. So Something is happening.
I think it’s obvious from how much I’ve written that I’m overreacting and impatient. But I’m insanely confused and would like to know what anyone thinks given all the context I’ve provided. Every time I’ve tried to “trust the process,” I’ve only gained weight, gotten scared, ate much less, lost what I’d gained, and then never go lower. I feel like I never Really know what I’m doing and so stick to a compromise that feels safest. “At least I’m not bigger” sort of thing.
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