Starting my weight loss journey and trying to heal from emotional pain

I wrote this post to try and help/encourage anyone out there who can relate.

This is me:

https://i.imgur.com/nLT8Vb6.png

I'm 5'7"/170 cm and 185 lbs. Long story short, I have become quite overweight mainly due to taking antidepressant and mood stabilising medication for the past six years. (Not all psychiatric medication has this as a side-effect but one of the two meds I took did.) I can't really see a massive difference mood-wise between now versus when I was younger but the change in my weight is so apparent; and it repulses me.

I am aware I don't look morbidly obese, but my weight simply makes me so sad; and not just my weight. It's the sheer emotional turmoil, and self-harming behaviours that contributed to it. I think of overindulging in food (not nourishing your body, that's different) as a form of self-harm that many people overlook. That I overlooked, but knew deep down I was only doing it to distract from the mental hunger I felt for acceptance, love and emotional nurturing.

I have deprived myself of health and long-term happiness by overindulging in food. That is exactly what I mean when I say it's a form of self-harm. I lied to myself, but of course I knew the negative consequences it would have. I just believed I deserved them.

I was crying earlier on scrolling through r/progresspics, because I felt so inspired and touched by stories of people who I imagine have experienced similar things to me. I need to prioritise my mental health, and I hope in doing so, I'll find things like intuitive eating and healthy eating easier.

Of course my intention is to lose fat, but I don't want to replace one bad habit (overindulging) with another (restricting too much) because I know I have a tendency to try and self-destruct.

Idk if anyone read the full post but if you did, I would like to add that I am here for you and hope you conjure your energy to love yourself, not to harm yourself. If for no other reason, because it's the least you deserve.

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