Sorry if this sub isn’t the place for this kind of thing. I was 355 pounds initially (5’4”, female, age 26). I started losing weight when quarantine started because I stopped eating at fast food places. I was addicted to fast food and would eat it 4+ times a week. I was scared of getting the virus from food.
Weight loss wasn’t my goal when this all started but i was really surprised how much better I felt without fast food and losing about 5 pounds in a short time. It made me really optimistic about being able to lose weight, after years of me pretty much giving up. I was heavily in the fat acceptance movement on tumblr from 2013-2018, and I let myself get really bad in that time period. My mental health was also really bad, I was suicidal and didn’t really care about myself.
I eat one meal a day, dinner, home cooked most of the time (sometimes frozen meals). My meals aren’t that healthy though and I’m not really sure how to improve it. I don’t snack at all. I do very light workouts like walking every other day, using a 5 pound weight, squats and sit ups.
Im at 329, I can’t help but think my weight loss is a fluke and my scale is broken, or the position of my floor is messing with the result. I don’t think what I’m doing right now is good enough in terms of workouts and meals. I’m so new to all this, it really frightens me. I’m terrified I’ll go to the doctor or somewhere with a better scale and I’ll be weighed in at 355 again and all this has been a lie. All my hope will be false and all my effort will be pointless.
It just got drilled into my head so much that weight loss was impossible and I can’t believe it’s happening. In my past, I believed I attempted losing weight, but the truth was that I didn’t try that hard. This is the first time in my life I’ve actually given a shit about my health or fitness.
I plan on getting to 200 pounds. I know I’m still unhealthy at my current weight. I know I’ll have to make a lot of changes to get to that. I want to get to a healthy weight so that I can live a longer life. I was sick of being terrified of dying at 40, or getting diabetes. I don’t want to die before my time.
I just have a lot of fractured thoughts about it. Part of me believes this whole thing is a fluke and I haven’t lost anything. Part of me believes it and thinks I don’t deserve to lose weight because theres people that try harder than me and don’t lose weight. Part of me is worried about what my life is gonna be like if I do lose a significant amount of weight, will I have loose skin or have to get new clothes? Will I fail at this at the end of the day and just end up dying because of obesity anyway?
My closest friend has always had a similar body to me, we always understand what it was like to live as an obese female. I don’t mention my weight loss to her. If I get smaller, will she not relate to me as much or think that I’m conceited and look down on her? I would never look down on her, I love her.
Part of me is happy about it. But I’m filled with fear.
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