Looking for advice. How do I stay motivated? How can I start to feel or see myself more positively? What have you done that’s been helpful?
I began my weight loss journey January 2019. The biggest number on the scale was 238 but I’m sure I was more than at the beginning. Im down 59 pounds and have ideally 40 more to go but having a really hard time with myself and hoping for some advice or motivation from others who have been in a similar place.
I’m really proud of myself for the changes I’ve made and the self control that took so much effort to find, but I’m struggling to feel positive about what I’ve accomplished because of how much further I have to go. I don’t feel like I see a difference in my body when I look in the mirror and still cry every single time I have to put “real” clothes on. At my biggest this was a huge issue- The year before this started i can count on one hand how many times i left the house because Id have melt downs trying to find something to wear that didn’t make me want to kill myself. It was bad. I do see the change in pictures but looking down I still feel disgusted by myself and want to give up bc I’m not accomplishing anything that is making a difference with how I feel about myself.
I lost my first noticeable amount of weight because of stress, anxiety, and an inability to keep food down regularly. It went on for months. I embraced the weight loss as my unintentional kick start to lose weight. As my stress reduced I was able to eat again and plateaued. Expected. Then covid hit and i gained 20 lbs back in a short period of time. It’s been 4 months since I had my turning point melt down of I can’t believe I gained it back and I can’t go back to being that fat again. I’ve become consumed with feeling negatively about myself.
I’m back on track and I have not seen the scale in the 170 range since I was a teen. I’m happy with the scale progress bc it’s proof of progress but I don’t feel good about myself when I look at my stomach in clothes, the mirror, just looking down. My arms legs and ugh my neck are thick too but I’d be able to accept them. I’m absolutely miserable and cry often bc I don’t understand how I could numerically make so much progress yet visually see no difference.
I know why I feel such a mental mind fuck over this- Every important person in my life has focused on my weight at some point. It continues to be this way now that I’m losing weight. The you look amazing and good job and all those things just don’t feel right or genuine.
I’m starting to think I might not see or feel happy when I get closer to my goal weight either. I’m over halfway there but ready to give up every day bc it’s so hard and I’m not feeling good about it.
My background I come from a culture that emphasizes the /need/ for women pretty and skinny. There’s a mold and every woman in this country looks like they’ve seen the same plastic surgeon and don’t eat. Our culture is heavily focused on food and gatherings too. As first generation raised in the US, I learned to love food but didn’t have to deal with the shame that my unacceptable body came with (except when I’d go to our home country every summer)
I’ve been very overweight my whole life. The majority of my family is. Something about genetics? I even had someone i never met say “oh i could tell you were a [last name] because of how big you are” and continued to tell me her kids were fat too (she married into our family) and laughed. My immediate and extended family always had comments growing up about all of the kids, because we were all fat. Teaching us proper nutrition didn’t cross their minds. To this day the first thing my aunts say when they see me is why have you gained more weight or you look like you lost some weight like it’s the biggest compliment they could give. My parents didn’t make it a focus but made sure to talk about the changes that i needed to make to my body. My dad had struggled with weight too but is not sympathetic. He says he knows what it takes to lose it (he loses and gains regularly) and I should just do it kind of attitude. My mom just stops eating when she gains weight. They think they were encouraging and supportive until as an adult I told them how emotionally challenging those conversations were and are for me. The conversations didn’t stop though bc family should be able to say what they want how they want. I’ll never win this battle.
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