My mother destroyed all the self esteem I worked so hard to build.

My mother first started telling me to lose weight in elementary school, when I was at a perfectly healthy weight. I began the cycle of crash dieting in middle school, and by high school I fully believed my appearance was disgusting due to being about 15 lbs overweight. Throughout my childhood, my mother would tell me how pretty I would be if I lost weight. Once I hit college, I gained a bunch of weight and ended up at 246 lbs. The interesting thing is, despite gaining over 100 lbs, I never noticed a change in my appearance.

After starting therapy, I decided to put an end to crash dieting and to my mother’s comments. I started learning to love myself and explained to my mom she has no place in my weight loss journey anymore. And in 2020, I lost 35 lbs.

In the past week, my mother had started making snide comments about my weight again. Anytime she saw me eating even slightly unhealthy, she would say “I didn’t realize you were trying to commit suicide.” I finally had enough and confronted her.

She began crying and told me I had gained so much weight in the last few months that I was going to die of diabetes before I hit 30. She said she cannot look at me without being disgusted by how fat I am. She said she sees commercials for the show “1000 lb Sisters” and knows that’s where I will end up. When I tried to tell her I’d lost weight, she told me I was lying. She could see I had gained weight.

For the first time in my life, I had been seeing a change in myself as I lost weight. I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and think hot damn, I look cute today. I can’t look at my reflection anymore. I disgust myself. I know I’ve lost weight, not gained it, but what I see no longer matches with what I know. I know my mother can be cruel, but I didn’t think I could feel this much pain over something she’s said. I’m honestly at a loss of what to do.

One thing I do know, she says she can’t look at me without seeing my weight, well I can’t look at her without remembering this conversation.

submitted by /u/owch-that-hurt
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