All my life I've been obese and have struggled to lose weight. I grew up surrounded by adults in my life who showed their love for me by showering me in food. (Doesn't really help that I'm from the South)
I remember being 8 years old and 155 lbs.. I know I was morbidly obese.. However, when I moved in with my Dad he insisted that I lose weight. He did this by forcing me to exercise which I hated. In the end I did manage to get around 130-140 range in middle school, which still put me in the overweight category.
Middle school was a very tough time for me as I was still trying to figure out who I was. I had really toxic friends and my life at home wasn't the greatest. I turned to food even more to comfort myself, and despised when I was forced to exercise. By the beginning of high school I was 5'2 and 200lbs.
Throughout freshman to Junior year I had only gained about 10lbs and was resting at 210 for a while. I had always been insecure of my body and have crash dieted, drank apple cider vinegar, did intense hiit, lemon water in the mornings, etc, etc, etc. But the weight always came back.
At the end of 2019, I had promised myself that I was going to make this new decade, my senior year even the best. I was going to become more confident in my skin and I was going to lose weight. Sadly, I didn't even start my weightloss until the beginning of March. And then COVID hit.
Long story short, I found things that have worked for me (CICO, working out regularly, and tea every night so I don't binge--helps me at least) over quarantine. In the span of March-December I've lost 45lbs, and this is something I'm very proud of.
However, since October I've been struggling a lot. I have gotten sidetracked by school work and have no desire to workout. It doesn't help that I'm neglecting my old habits. For the past 2 months I've been fluctuating between 165-160. I really wanted to be 155 by the end of 2020... I know I've lost so much, but its so frustrating to me. I was so determined and I was doing so good. I know I should be proud of my progress so far, but I so badly wanted to reach my goal.
I keep saying I'll do better the next day and so I binge. Until I make a mistake the next day and just continue in my binge cycle. I don't want to gain the weight back, but I feel do unmotivated to workout and to eat healthily. It's not as if I lost the weight unhealthily. I am just in a slump and have abandoned most of my healthy habits. I lose the 5 lbs and then gain it back. I can't stay at 160 or get any lower, it's becoming upsetting...
I want to lose 80lbs in total and I don't have much left to go. I'm not sure if I should just start fresh in 2021 or fix myself in these last few weeks of 2020. Does anyone have any experience with this?
tldr; Former fat girl loses 45 lbs but wants to get to 55 by the end of 2020. She been struggling for the past 2-3 months. She feels defeated and doesn't know what to do next. Anyone else experience this, any advice?
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