Sunday, January 10, 2021

Gained 10kg back over the holidays, realised I was borderline malnourished before this

December was a rough month for me mentally. I ate and drank in excess. Lots of eating out & fast food. It was truly the culmination of a hard year - both generally and in weight loss.

I thought today, as the official closer of the silly season, would be a good day to assess the damage. I'm up over 10kg from when I last weighed in at the end of November - oof!

But it's alright. Weirdly enough I learned quite a bit in this time of reckless abandon. The main lesson being that I was spectacularly under-eating prior to this.

All these symptoms I thought were the result of low iron, not enough vegetables, not enough water, not enough sleep. At times I even believed it to be something more sinister. Not once did I connect the dizzy spells, the exhaustion, the weakness to the fact I had been hurdling myself towards malnourishment for over 18 months.

Eating like absolute shit for a month has made me realise how poor I felt prior to this. So while I am disappointed I've lost a lot of progress, this exercise in weight gain has been worth it for this realisation alone.

I can always lose the weight again. I can't however, recover from damaging my body severely through rapid weight loss. I hate to think what trauma i've already caused it in this journey.

I will say that eating terribly has not been kind to me either. My bowels are freaking out. My heartburn is back from its extended vacation. My stomach is once again a bottomless pit and my sugar cravings, and the associated sugar headaches, are worse than ever.

Point is, neither is a positive way to live. Under-eating is just as damaging and feels just as terrible as this more traditionally unhealthy and indulgent lifestyle. From now on I'll listen to what my body is telling me and try to cultivate an eating style that is more comfortable for my body to function properly.

Here's to a better 2021 :)

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