I was at about the same weight (60 lbs over healthy) for almost a decade. Two years ago I actually lost 15lbs during pregnancy because of gestational diabetes and nausea. Being 15lbs lower than my prepregnancy weight at my first follow up appointment was so great! But then I had postpartum depression and insomnia, was medicated for a year, then a pandemic and I was actually up 40lbs, 25lbs over my prepregnancy weight.
I went in for a doctor’s visit for the kid in September and their kid scale was broken so they asked me to weigh myself, then weigh with the kid so they could get her weight. Never mind the fact that that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone, just make them get on a scale with no warning, and a pretty terrible way to get an accurate reading for the kid (2 weeks later she had lost a lot of weight...) Seeing my weight then really shocked me and gave me the fright I needed to get serious about my weight loss.
I’m kinda proud I lost the antidepressant/pandemic weight of 25 lbs, though it’s always hard for me to be truly happy and not angry at myself that I let it happen. But I’ve been stuck for about two weeks and mentally I’ve been fighting a battle.
I get intense cravings all day, mostly for salty fatty foods like cheese or potato chips. My brain is constantly trying to negotiate with itself, no matter how much I plan out my days. If I have 50 cal room in the budget I’ll think “oh maybe I can have a little less dinner and have a bowl of chips” “oh I know I had a bowl of chips with lunch, so really just a little more won’t add much”. I’m feeling super hungry and kinda light headed. And I tried having a non counting day last weekend and I still never felt full and satisfied, not even for a minute. My stomach was bulging and my mind was thinking MORE MORE MORE.
Ugghhhh it just feels like my brain is fighting me to stay at this weight and trying to trick me.
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