Before vs after: https://imgur.com/a/afohIEy
My main weakness in weight loss was 2 things - my family and my studies.
This resulted in binge eating which was honestly a nightmare - one of my biggest struggles I wasted my teens on. Although the method I used may not be possible for everyone, I'd like to share my story anyway in the hopes it might give some people ideas in their own journey.
I'm a 5ft5 20 year old female from the UK, 40lbs down over 5 years of losing, maintaining and gaining. I was an average sized child but gained a lot of weight in my teens weighing 158lbs (72kg - and a bit shorter than I am now, so overweight BMI of 27-28) at my highest when I was 15 ish, and now around 118-120lbs - 54ish kg at 20 years old. The pic is of me at my highest 15-16 and the after is me now.
I'm actually from an Asian family (Chinese) that takes food and exams very seriously. I was under constant pressure to perform well in exams from my parents and to an extent myself, and when I studied I needed to eat or I couldn't think straight. On top of that, my family always talked about food and encouraged me to eat more despite my weight and lack of self confidence as a result. I wanted to lose weight by eating less, more healthy options and exercising more, but my family didn't think I needed to. We had a lot of arguments over food as I didn't want to eat with them or I couldn't watch my calorie intake, and after a lot of frustration and crying they finally let me make my own meals.
But even then I couldn't stop myself eating the food in the house and every night was a constant internal battle, trying to convince myself to fall asleep before I could eat way too much. Every time my dad came back from the supermarket on the weekly grocery shop, I prayed there wouldn't be too many high calorie foods like cakes, crisps, chinese dumplings and spring rolls etc but he would always buy them and I couldn't stop him. I would throw away food and flush it down the toilet in secret to minimize the chance of me bingeing on it just because I knew it was sitting there. It was so unhealthy. Getting back home from school was like entering a minefield - as soon as I stepped in the door I would rush up to my room and spend the rest of the evening trying not to binge until school started the next day. Also my parents are the type to stop eating when they feel full but I am clearly not.
I felt disgusted at myself that I didn't have the self control to just not eat that stuff and on top of that they made me feel guilty about it (oh I thought you were being healthy? etc) while putting unhealthy food out in the open. It was just endless self hatred I couldn't escape, as incessantly overfeeding your kids was considered to be love in my family and they made me feel like I wasn't being appreciative or some crap. The constant studying (especially in a culture which isn't as hyper-focused on education like the UK so everyone else is allowed to enjoy themselves) and terrible relationship with food killed my social life and literally made me depressed.
I have broad shoulders for my height and also tend to carry more weight in my stomach and upper arms and thighs, wide ribcage with skinny lower arms and lower legs and a flat chest, like a man. If I'm thin I look more athletic but if I'm heavy I just look buff and disproportionate, as you can see from the pic. This wasn't great for my self esteem and I felt left out at school. Some of the conversations I had with myself in my head late at night after bingeing and my family commenting about it were bordering on suicidal, and I felt dumb for wanting to kill myself over something as ridiculous as food, which I was aware many people didn't even have enough of. But the mental games were just that intense.
Then I finally got into med school at uni, and saved up enough from a side job to pay for most of the living expenses while taking out a student loan. I had wanted to lose weight in the summer before I started uni but that failed as always because of my family. I was terrified the bingeing habit would stick with me after I moved out, especially hearing about the freshman 15 etc. To my surprise, things worked out a lot better than I expected. I developed all the habits I needed. I gradually began losing weight while keeping up with my uni studies because I kept absolutely no food in my room or dorm kitchen and only ate when the uni servery was open at mealtimes. I began doing sports like badminton and taking gym classes too (on pause bc lockdown), as well as lifting to improve my tone but the main change was the eating. When I felt hungry, I would simply buy a choc bar or packet of crisps, eat it and go about my day - I couldn't binge, as there was no food around! Only what I allowed myself at mealtimes. And I didn't eat too little at mealtimes or count calories exactly, just enough to lose some fat, similar portions to what others were eating. Overall, I just took a much more relaxed approach to my weight and body image.
I began losing weight rapidly and not yoyo dieting or being super mentally stressed for the first time in my life. As I approached my goal weight it became more difficult so I started calorie tracking and I did get the urge to binge a few times - a few times I went to the store, got some ramen and a box of chocolates and called it a 'cheat day' but I would always feel full and bloated the next day. The difference was when I felt like this back home I would somehow still eat the next day, just because the food was there and I couldn't stop myself, but now it wasn't I'd just relax and eat less. I wouldn't have called those times 'binge eating' either - just overeating a bit because I was hungry. I developed a natural sense of how much I needed to eat and continued losing weight.
It's been 3 years and I haven't really binge eaten since moving out. I don't keep any food in my room or anywhere near me and only buy it when I'm supposed to eat. Funny thing is, I can hang out with friends with food everywhere and easily only have a few bites without feeling the need to eat everything - after eating normally for a while, my body actually knows when to stop! But I know that if I was back in a place with food available all the time I'd probably start bingeing and go back to the dark place I was in before, so I just don't keep food around anymore. When I move out and get my own place after graduating I know I will only keep minimal and healthy food around my house.
I hope this story helps some people realise that it might not be your own self control lacking but if there's constantly unhealthy food available, it's natural human instinct to want to eat it, and when that's combined with failed dieting and lack of self esteem, that causes binge eating and starving cycles. It's not necessarily that you're weak willed - just that what's in front of you really makes a difference. To an extent, I believe that if everyone was surrounded by unhealthy food all the time, 75%+ people would probably be overweight.
Although I know some people might not have the luxury of moving out of an unhealthy household, even just putting unhealthy food out of sight can help. Maybe consider sorting out your financial situation and moving out before beginning a serious weight loss regimen and work on making small changes in the meantime. Also, moving out isn't going to solve binge eating for everyone (I'm not naturally a 'foodie' by any means, I just have a tendency to self sabotauge and play mental games with myself) but even then the binges will probably be better than when having a crap ton of food around.
tl;dr - haven't binge eaten since I moved out of my family home 3 years ago, after struggling with it for most of my teen years, and finally got the body I wanted.
Love you all and good luck on your weight loss and health/fitness journeys, just stick with it and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let anybody drag you down, not even those closest to you - often with family it may simply be a cultural or ideological difference you can't change apart from distancing yourself. Feel free to ama xx
edit: happy valentines!
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