This is very ramble-y and long. I’m 23F, 5’5 and average between 118-120 lbs (53-54kg). I gained the freshmen 15 during college in 2016-2017 with my high being 135 lbs (61kg). I casually/passively lost weight during quarantine while trying to help my best friend loose weight.
I have been really thin all through out my life always was 120lbs. I was a super picky kid I’d usually just eat tortillas with butter, rice with butter, and ramen lol. We’d never have snacks around the house, rarely get fast food (“we had food at home” is what my parents would always say) and we’d only go out to eat for special occasions. I was one of those people who would eat like everything at a restaurant and people would be like wow she can eat everything and be super thing when in reality I barely ate anything at home cause I was so picky. There was even a period of time I actually tried to gain weight as a kid cause I was confused why my weight was always exactly 120lbs. Never more or less. I didn’t succeed lol. I only realized this later in life though I totally forgot how picky I was and how little I’d eat because of it.
I never really thought of myself as pretty or beautiful. No one ever really told me I was either. I was usually just “too thin”. I’m also brown and frankly cause I’m brown I’ll never really be America’s standard of beauty and š¤·š¾♀️ I’m okay with that.
However once I got to college people around me actually started saying I was pretty which was super confusing to me but it felt good. I was fine with my appearance before but now that people were saying I was pretty it became something I held onto.
I started eating an insane amount of food everyday. School was extremely stressful. I went to art school and was there pretty much everyday til midnight. My mom would make my lunches and because I was at school all day she would make me so much food. I’d also split my lunch with my best friend, buying lunch was pretty expensive at my school. Sometimes my friend wouldn’t eat my lunch so I’d just eat everything. Like 3 sandwiches and 20 chicken nuggets lmaooo.
Then I gained around 15lbs from all the stress of college. I went from 120lbs to 135lbs and with the weight, the compliments left and it really effected me. Honestly 15 lb weight gain isn’t even that much I was still considered a normal and healthy weight. I also didn’t really look different it was crazy to me how people actually stop complimenting me.
I remember being shocked when I stepped on the scale for fun cause my best friend was weighing herself. How did I gain 15 lbs?? Whenever I eat food I never gain weight. What happened??
Much of my beauty as a woman was just about how thin I was. Everything else was pretty arbitrary. If your thin your pretty and if your pretty your thin. There just wasn’t anywhere in between or any outliers. After I weighed myself it was a wake up call and I stopped eating so much but I think I only lost around 5lbs in college. I didn’t think much about my weight then because I was obsessed with school.
My best friend is on her weight loss journey. She started in November of 2020. She’s 5’11 (SW:252 CW:231 GW:165). Weight has always been a issue for her. It was something she cried about in college and her mom would be really mean about her weight. A stranger had called her fat so she decide to loose weight really unhealthily but when she went to college she gained it all back due to the stress of school.
It was only through her experience and seeing her struggle with weight did I realize how crappy people treat you look at you when your overweight. Weight is just so important to society. During college we’d try fad diets and activities things for a really short period of time. Eat healthy for a week. Do a juice cleanse. Go on walks for a week. Exercise for a week. Ultimately we couldn’t keep it up because of school and we didn’t really put in the research in understanding how to actually loose weight. And she was miserable. And least twice a month she’s cry about her weight. She told me she always sucking in her stomach. I was shocked. As a thin person, it was easy for me to just be like “just accept yourself/love yourself” and if you really want to loose weight you have to seriously try. But I didn’t even know what seriously trying meant and how much effort it took to start seriously trying.
Only through her struggle and process, did I recognize how important weight really is to society. It’s silly people shame others for wanting to change and say that their desire to change shows that they “don’t love themselves”. It stopped my friend from genuinely want to loose weight because she didn’t want other people to think she didn’t love herself.
Wanting to fit into society is okay. Being fat makes you so seen but also so invisible. And if you could just look like “an average weighted person” it genuinely takes away some of the stress and discomfort of being in society. It’s okay to want that. It doesn’t solve everything but it does solve somethings. There’s never an end to achieving society’s standard of beauty. And where it come complicated is that usually once you achieve the goal of losing weight there’s sometimes just going to be the next thing. But honestly, that doesn’t exist for everyone. Some people just want to loose the weight and fit in and I think that’s ok.
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