TLDR: some obstacles are making me hopeless until the end of winter, gaining weight back, but optimistic for spring
Hey everyone, I hope everyone is staying safe and I'm glad for everyone making progress during these times. I have been feeling sluggish lately.. and even feeling like I might give up until spring when lockdown ends. So I decided to make a post here just to feel like a part of this community. I'll appreciate to hear that maybe I'm not alone in this, or some encouragement, but it's fine, just venting.
Short summary of my journey: started last May, was going great until December 25th lockdown, lifting and running, counting cals, it was perfect. My motto was consistency over intensity. F24 5'2 SW186 LW157 CW-not measuring to avoid disappointment but definitely not back to my highest. I was trying to maintain since lockdown started, because personally for me as a short sedentary female there is no way to progress in this situation.
I start with the big NSV:
- Looks like I broke my binge eating habit chain. Before, I used to... well you probably know what binge eating is and how it goes with uncontrollable urge to eat everything on your way. Before I used to order takeaway and also go to a store and bring whatever I feel like eating, or eat everything I got at home. Somewhere in autumn I started feeling like that much food is not fitting in my stomach anymore, and started buying less food during those binge sessions. And now I am only craving a single specific taste, getting that food item, consuming a package or portion of it and boom the urge is satisfied! In conclusion, CICO and weight loss may actually indirectly break binge eating habit for some people.
What went wrong:
- There is some slight pain in my knee since mid-january, it isn't swollen, no sharp pain, no bruise or redness, no pain under pressure, in general - it wasn't feeling serious, very mild. At first I thought maybe it's something minor, will pass in a week or two if I stop running. I didn't want to go to any medical observation, since it's lockdown here and the situation with covid was serious. So I stopped running, started walking, but the slight pain didn't go away so I decided to stop the walks and give it total rest for a while. The pain stopped but came back when I went for a walk after 2 weeks. (I am talking to a medical practice about it now)
- As a result of decreasing general movement like walks and exercising, I have become completely sedentary = very little caloric expense compared to before. I held on to my dicsipline and motivation for January as much as I could. Lockdown predictions were grim and I started to get hopeless about gyms and any movement, and everything restrictions take away from us. Don't get me wrong, I know it is totally possible to lose weight without exercising, but I'm an exercise addict and my mood and diet majorly depends on it. I live in student halls alone in a small room, not perfect situation to get stuck in during lockdown = more stress.
- I feel socially and physically deprived and hopeless, and now I don't want to feel restricted of food either. Like there should be something that I can have while everything else is so limited. I am practicing other hobbies too along with my studies, of course. But I feel like there is no way I can follow a caloric restriction right now until spring comes and lockdown starts easing.
But still, I feel like I want to eat something different, not sure what and I'm overeating a lot more often. I definitely gained weight but don't want to step on a scale until I undo some of the damage. I am having 3-4 1200 cal days followed by a 3000 cal day (healthy eating all day but then ordering pizza for dinner, no binge). Add zero movement to that and this weird streak is slowly but surely increasing my weight!
I just feel like giving up calorie counting until March but I know weight gain will definitely impact me in many negative ways, like looking less attractive for myself. Also lockdown and some discouragement cannot be a reason to let go of my 8 month progress... I barely open this reddit anymore, because seeing everyone having access to gyms and exercising, making progress is discouraging me, while i'm totally happy for everyone.
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