Just doing a quick check in, I want to be able to look back on my journey and see the full picture. My previous two posts were pretty hopeful, from when I was in a good place, seeing progress and feeling good.
I'm getting close to a year of doing this, and my mental health is not great. Well some days it's great, others, like today, I struggle. My jerk brain has been able to convince me that my 40lb weight loss has been in my head. That I'm crazy for thinking I could do this, that I am a failure for still being fat, that I just suck and everything good in my life is a few steps away from being gone as soon as everyone else figures it out too.
I've had strong thoughts to "punish" myself, including doing a week long fast to make up for my lack of progress, urges to slap myself, crazy mood swings and crying. I'm tired of being fat, I'm tired of my fucking allergies being bad, I'm tired of doing workouts that to others would be warm ups, I'm tired.
I'm going to keep going, I'm going to keep working at this, and pushing, and I won't give up, but God damn if I don't want to with every fiber of my being. To just turn it all off, go into autopilot, let the stress win.
I gotta remind myself that even not having lost weight since the beginning of February, I've also been eating more, smaller deficit and water weight from all the exercise increases and any fat loss is being hidden. The math is there, it's telling me that I should have lost 7lbs since I started working out, and there is no way that isn't happening even if I can't see it and the scale won't tell me.
Any words of support are gladly appreciated, I'm having just a really hard day, but even if you don't have anything to say, I hope this shows that you aren't alone in your struggles.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3cYDZgs
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