Current weight: 128+, Goal weight: 107, Height: 5’1”, Age: 24, Female
I’m miserable. I was about 120-128 freshman year of college (2015-16) but randomly and unintentionally lost weight going down to about 108-112 for sophomore and junior year, about 115-118 for senior year (2018-19). I always make smart choices (I.e salad with light dressing over a cheese burger with fries at the diner) but I never restrained myself - I also traveled and went out locally a lot (and drank as college students do) so I was consuming calories but staying active. When I wasn’t traveling or going out, I was still walking around campus, shopping etc. all things I don’t do since quarantine. Once I stopped going out I definitely put on weight but not enough to cry over, and the last time I weighed myself in March 2020 was 124. During the pandemic I lost a lot of weight because I was depressed over a family member having a 7 week battle with covid, but it all came back, and then some. Since February of 2020 I’ve also been insanely bloated - it went partially down when I did a 2 week diet for Halloween, and there have been a couple mornings that it was pretty flat but the second I ate something, it puffed up to the size of 5+ months pregnant.
None of my work clothes from 2-3 years ago fit. All of my pants barely buckle and give me a big muffin top, so wearing cropped shirts is out of the question. I was a size 0, and now the size 4 jeans that I bought in summer 2020 that were too big fit tightly. I’m too embarrassed to see friends, especially with summer approaching. It even effects my intimacy with my boyfriend which is not fair to him. I don’t move at all - I go from my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, family room, office room, and that’s about it. I never worked out, but now I don’t move period, and I have 0 motivation or willpower to go on the treadmill/bike. I HATE working out.
What is wrong with me? How do I fix any of this? I just want my old body back while eating the same way. I get as we get older our body changes, but I can’t imagine my body just crapped out on me at 24 when all of my friends are still in he same. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I’m not counting calories because it makes me sick in the head to know I can only eat 523 calories a day to lose 2 pounds a week, 1223 to lose half a pound a week and 1500 to maintain. There’s meals at restaurants that are more than 1200 calories, I don’t understand how people can eat that and not gain weight and I can’t even look at a slice of pizza. So I’m basically eating healthy - fruits and vegetables, chicken and fish, 0% fat Greek yogurt, light plain popcorn, etc. and I’m still extremely bloated and don’t feel thinner. I tried consuming minimal calories the past 2 weeks and wasn’t seeing any weight loss (which is the same method that I lost a few pounds for Halloween) so now I’m just anxious that I’m never going to lose weight and that I’m hopeless. How do I stay positive and motivated?
Lastly I can’t stop thinking of food - I’ll have a whole meal of tons of vegetables and fish (no carbs), I’ll feel full so I stop eating and within minutes I feel starving as if I’m going to die of hunger. I try to fight it off but I’ll sometimes get fruit or carrots with a little hummus as a snack, but I’m never content. Food is the only thing I think about and I’m never like this when I’m not dieting. How do I stop thinking of food all the time and teach my brain to know I’m full?
Thanks for all the advice. I’m a mess lol.
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