TL;DR at the end
I, like many of you, struggled with weight issues nearly my entire life. When I was a kid, I was decently fit until around the 2nd grade, where I began to have some slight health issues. Due to my allergies, my doctor recommended to my parents steroids to help accelerate my growth in hopes to phase out my allergies. As a result, I gained a massive amount of weight (and height) extremely quickly. After that, I excepted myself as the "fat guy," and it destroyed my self-image throughout public school and a good chunk of college. I consistent told myself "I'm just not a skinny guy," "there's nothing wrong with being fat," "I love food to much," "I could lose the weight if I wanted to, but I'm good where I'm at," etc.
Then 2019 comes around. I'm at my parents place over fall break, and I go and take a shower. I turned and caught myself in the mirror nude, my immediate gut reaction was one of disgust. You know when you don't intend to see yourself in the mirror, and you do, you have a moment when you don't subconsciously think you're looking at yourself? That happened. I was disgusted of myself. I hated myself. I weighed myself and was 249 pounds. I thought about all the things I've told myself, specifically the "I could lose the weight if I wanted to" thought. I wanted to prove that theory, do I have the ability to fix this? This marks the beginning of my weight loss journey.
There's been some ups and downs, but I'm currently 185 pounds and shooting for 175 (well more like 11% body fat). However, I still look at myself and see myself as a fatass. I don't know if I have body dismorphic disorder, but I definitely have symptoms of it.
However, as I'm getting ready to go to bed last night (I sleep shirtless so I'm shirtless in this moment), I caught myself in the mirror right above my dresser. My subconscious didn't realize I was looking at myself, and my gut reaction was one of envy. The lighting highlighted my arms and my stomach, where some slight abs are beginning to develop. It also highlighted my stretch marks on my side, my upper chest, and my profile frame. I viewed myself as sexy, and fucking lost it. I cried so fucking much. It took me like 15 minutes to stop. I'm so happy I've accomplished this, and I'm not even done. I'll never be done after an experience like that.
I want to thank everyone from all the health subreddits (CICO, fasting, 1200isplenty, loseit, progresspics) for a lot of my motivation. I literally have a Reddit account just to view these daily, and the stories a see and read are so damn motivational. I couldn't do it without y'all.
TL;DR Caught myself in the mirror, and thought I was sexy. Never viewed myself like this, cried for 15 minutes.
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