At the very beginning of 2020, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been, weighing in at 225lb (102.06 kg), with a height of 5’5”. I dropped down to 210lb (95.3 kg) but hovered around there until late October/early November when I was diagnosed with prediabetes. Since then, I have made a concerted effort to cut back on carbs and sugar and try to get more active. With my BMI, I need to be 180lb (81.6 kg) in order to be considered “overweight” instead of “obese”. So for years, 180lb has been my short term target weight.
I’m still working on building a consistent workout regime, but with just changing my diet, drinking more water, and walking a few times a week, I’ve made progress, and I’m so pleased to say, as of today, I’m officially at 179.8lb (81.6 kg)!
Woo! I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far. The last time I updated here, I expressed I didn’t see or feel much change, but now, I’m actually seeing it, y’all. My old clothes are fitting again, maybe even a little looser. I see the beginnings of an actual waist line. And I just, feel more at ease with myself.
So what’s next?
As I said, there are things I definitely still need to work on, like exercising more, and drinking even more water than what I do lol. In terms of the next and final weight goal, I need to be 150lb (68.03 kg), in order to be considered in the healthy range. There are also certain muscles I want to target, so I can start toning and shaping my body the way I’d like it to ideally look. I’m looking to do some at home bodyweight training. I still have so much tummy chub, and I know that’s the last to go, but hopefully strength training and cardio will help!
Lastly, I’m gonna work on my mental and emotional health. During this process, I’ve expected a moment of sudden clarity and happiness to come that just hasn’t happened yet. I suffer from depression and low-energy, so that could be part of it, but I think, realistically, losing weight and becoming healthy isn’t an overnight fix it, and it’s the same with my mental and emotional state.
I’m extremely afraid of slipping into the diabetic range, and whenever I splurge and eat too many breads or smoothies (which, again, has happened), I feel compelled to feel so much guilt and anger with myself. And often, it feels like there’s a cloud hovering above my head. Like this perpetual threat. As if my body’s a ticking time bomb that gets tripped if I eat one too many mozzarella sticks. But my body, just like my mental health isn’t going to change for the worst overnight either. More and more, I feel like I’m on a path towards better lifestyle choices that gets clearer and sturdier the longer I walk along it. It’s a foundation in progress, but a foundation no less. And as long as that’s my base, instead of what I was doing before with zero regard for my health, I think and hope I’m on the right track.
So above all else, my goals will entail exercising more patience with myself. Not just with the weight loss, but with my wants, my mistakes, and my attitude for what’s to come. I’ve made it this far. Surely I can keep going.
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