So I raise both my hands in surrender, I am a perpetual yo-yo dieter. I have lost significant amounts of weight 3 times in the past 15 years. Most recently I lost over 5st and then the year before coronavirus and throughout lockdown I just gave up and gained an incredible 4st back. It is incredibly frustrating to do something you have already done, reaching the same weight-loss goals I had dragged myself over not two years ago, I'm sure some of you understand, but with a bit of perspective and reflection I have managed to forgive myself, get back up and lost 24lbs of what I had regained. This is the last time I am doing this.
I have noticed I am ok at losing the weight, creating habits and getting into a routine, I have started to see myself mentally if that makes sense, I was hiding from myself, distracting myself with food. I actually love the accomplishment of exercise, listening to a good book as I walk and the resulting endorphins, even if some days it can just be a drag. I enjoy the taste of healthy food, am eating more protein and amazingly don't miss sugar. Protein is a game changer for me. But I ALWAYS get impatient with the scale. Even now I look back at the achievement of my past weight loss, documented on weight loss apps and I don't remember celebrating them! I was so hard on myself. I just wanted to lose more weight. I know I have a habit of get obsessed and detrimentally so.
The main thing for me was recognising this, but also wanting to do something about it. I read a lot about how you should be kind to yourself, and my poor body has been through a lot. But it can be hard when you feel like you are fighting it. I want to feel like I'm working WITH my body.
Even through writing this post, I can see how to solve some own problems, be kinder, more patient, it's a lifestyle change not a crash diet. BUT I am scared of the regain, the maintenance and just how to fill the hole in my life were the enjoyment of food once sat in. Food is still an obsession. I am trying to fill that time I spend thinking about food with other things, like reading, drawing and exercise.
I suppose I am writing this post because I'm almost scared of the failure I went through previous times, I can recognise the pattern of obsession and am reaching out for other people to see what they have been through, how to get through the emotional side of it. What did you fill your life with? does the obsession ever truly subside or are there days you still fight it?
I think I was missing a community, I have always done this alone. So I also wanted to thank people for writing about their experiences on here. I think it is a brave thing to do and I recognise small things in almost every post that help me to see myself in a different way.
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