This post is going to be a little random but I wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere.
I'm 30, and I've lost around 97lbs/44kg (SW: 359lb/163kg) since December 2019. I've always been overweight, but it was in my 20's where I really gained a lot. I was struggling really bad with depression and anxiety (I am mostly struggling with anxiety these days..) and I just... hated myself. I was too overweight to even stand up for long periods and too anxious and self-conscious to throw myself into new situations: employment for example. I still haven't had a proper job and I'll be 31 this year. I mostly stayed at home in my 20's, doing the same tireless thing every day. Eating whatever I wanted and not caring what went into my body. I absolutely hated myself. I didn't care what happened to me and I wasn't even "living".. I was just existing. Before I knew it, I was 30 and had gained over 40kg in my 20's.
Where am I going with my post you might ask? I had a really depressing thought a few days ago. One of my family members told me how proud they are of me for my weight loss and that I'm an inspiration. My instant thought was: Why? I let myself get to this weight. I don't feel like it's something that I deserve praise for. I don't know if it's just my negative thoughts creeping back up, but does anyone feel similar?
I know I worked really hard to lose weight, but I don't feel like I deserve any kind of praise for it simply because I let myself get this way. I get really embarrassed if someone gives me a compliment. I've seen various similar threads about how people's attitudes change towards you as you lose weight. That is another thing that has gotten me down. I've never received so many positive words in my life but yet, I feel like this...
To end on a positive note! I started going to the gym this week. I had previously tried going to the gym maybe 3 or 4 years ago before I started losing weight. I couldn't leave the gym without nearly crying in pain. I would hurt for days!! I couldn't even walk 10 minutes on the treadmill. I got discouraged and didn't even bother going back... That is, until this week!! I absolutely surprised myself. I walked for almost an hour on the treadmill, biked, and even did some arm exercises. I felt like crying after I finished my first session because it made me realise just how far I have come in the past year and a half.
After writing this I want to say to everyone on this sub: Please be kind to yourself. You are worthy of all of the love and praise that you receive. Never underestimate yourself and what you are capable of!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3dMJPmu
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