i'm 22F. i started my weight loss journey at 220lbs. i was prediabetic and had hypertension. this year, after an 80lb weight loss, i gained back about 30lbs. some traumatizing situations left me with long term stress, which turned into hormonal imbalances that affected weight gain/ability to lose weight, not to mention (obviously) stress eating.
i've been working with a therapist to find some control again, starting with my eating habits. we recognized how difficult work can be (i work in a kitchen and am surrounded by salty sugary fatty foods daily). but what we really found to be a problem were my friends.
i am always trying to get my friends to go out. to a park, or beach, maybe a fair or museum, anything. i have never been successful, the only way i've been able to get them to go out with me is to a restaurant or bar: somewhere that involves food and booze. otherwise? they'd really rather just stay in, order 8 boxes of pizza and watch movies. of course i love doing that time to time too, but not all the time, and it certainly isn't what i need right now.
lately, i've tried explaining to them how difficult it is for me to be around these foods. i explained that i loved them and wanted to hang out with them, but every time it just involves being surrounded by mountains of junk food, which i am having a hard time controlling myself around now. and indulging in pizza, chips, tacos, ISN'T enjoyable for me. it isn't just having fun. i feel like shit, physically and emotionally, afterwards. i did not tell them about the times i've driven home from hang outs crying all the way because i felt so gross. i DID tell them the only place i feel safe right now is my home, where i do not keep these trigger foods around. i recognized as well that their eating habits are their own, it's not my business and obviously these emotional struggles i'm having with food and my body image are my own. i just kind of hoped that opening up about my struggles with my body and health would make them understand part of why i just want to get outside with them sometimes, to do activities that don't directly involve eating.
i was told later that they'd had a discussion about this all without me. they agreed to continue having hangouts at home, with the same food, they just wouldn't share it. they also asked me to stop talking about my weight loss, because they felt that me talking so much about how much i dislike my body when it is bigger is fatphobic. they felt that me acknowledging that pizza is unhealthy (before having 3-4 slices of it myself) was judgmental, and that i was picking on them for their weight.
i am usually the kind of person to think, "well, i made someone upset, therefore i must be in the wrong" and try to adjust my behavior. but honestly? i was so angry. i am studying nutrition, i have a goal of teaching it someday. i spend 5-6 days a week at the gym. i've expressed to them my struggles not only with my body image, but with my physical health. this isn't just a little part of me i can keep to myself. this is kind of my entire lifestyle.
i was just angry enough that i did not apologize, i did not argue. i just told them i was going to focus on myself for a while, and left the conversation.
ever since i stopped seeing them, i've felt more in control of myself. i'm even finally losing weight again (down about 5lbs in 2 weeks, which isn't a lot but embarrassingly it's the most consistent weight loss i've had all year.) overall i feel more free and less stressed, but the sadness is still there. these were my only friends and it sucks to go about this all alone. i've invited them all to hit the gym with me as well, i wanted to keep them involved in my life. but my therapist asked me "what's more important, your health and wellbeing, or your friends?" and i chose the former.
i know other people in this reddit have experienced losing unsupportive friends in their weight loss journeys. i guess i just wanted to vent here, and reach out to see if anyone had similar experiences of needing to be the one to step back. despite support from my therapist, i guess i'm still just feeling shitty and selfish about it all? i don't know if it was the right choice, i just couldn't do it anymore.
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