Background: CICO diet - nothing special, only try to keep low calorie restriction vs TDEE.
I just want to be clear. I had a pretty bad binge eating disorder during midnights. I would go to sleep and wake up during the middle of the night with zero control over myself and I would go to the fridge to indulge whatever was in sight, it could be ham, cheese, tomatoes, onions, etc. I mean WHATEVER.
Pretty bad right? Well I've suffered this since I've been 18, I am 29 now and at some point in time I just accepted my faith and came to terms with it, it was something that I could not control. I even read about an eating disorder that had exactly these symptoms. (Night eating syndrome)
Fast forward to 2017, I was 120kgs and started to do a perfect diet, excercise every single day and I was able to get to 88kgs.
Yes, at the beginning is easy to lose weight, so at 88kgs, it was hard to create a deficit with my night binges. During 1 year I had a really rough diet to try and manage my "eating disorder" and couldn't get anywhere.
Then, something clicked, I broke the plateau and recovered myself from this "eating disorder", and I will try to explain in here below:
- You are what you label yourself with.
I read a lot of self help books for my professional career, and one of them (Mindset by Carol Dweck) really made a click in my mind. She states that we are what we label ourselves with. We live in an era (and with the internet available to us) where we are bound to feel identified with whatever we see or read in the internet. Go to WebMD, look for types of cancer and I can assure you you will feel identified with the syndromes of one type of cancer. Do you have cancer? No.
For me, I thought I had an eating disorder and therefore I always thought impossible to get to a lean physique, and I just said, f* that, I'm not going to continue being a victim of this. I took ownership of my body and decisions. However this was only the first step.
Did I have an eating disorder? Probably, but I rather not label it.
- At the end of the day, you're only looking after yourself.
My family grew up during very difficult moments surrounded by war and poverty. My great grand father had a saying that goes along the lines of "during the worst moments of your life, you are the only person that will be able to take care of yourself, not your brothers, sisters, parents. It is all on you.". The man faced war so I'm no one to question this.
Being said this, I never gave up hope, one what or another, frustration through all of these years get to you. You will cry, you will suffer, but, following point one, you have to take ownership of you and your actions.
- Trust yourself.
Give yourself motives to trust yourself. However small obstacle you've passed in the past, you have to be able to believe you can do it and nothing will bring down your confidence. To achieve something you really have to be able to believe and visualize it.
Before breaking the plateau I wanted to lose weight, however, deep in me, I never trusted myself I could achieve it, as I thought there was an external factors (eating disorder) that would stop me from achieving it.
- One day at a time.
For context, I practice Buddhism and, for general terms in my life it's been really helpful to understand mindfulness, the truths, meditations, etc. But the biggest take away is to live the present.
I didn't overcome my issues from one day to another, I had set backs, improving is not linear - it is completely the opposite.
Had a bad day yesterday? Forget it today, focus on what's Infront of you.
- Final position.
Right now, I've been clear of this disorder for 4-5 months, I've achieved my ideal weight and I'm just working in building muscle. This is a daily struggle and a daily mindset I need to have, as I know demons are still there and the only person responsible for my actions is myself.
I could write a book about the struggles and learnings, but I wanted to keep this brief.
Feel free to ask questions or send DM.
Go out there and own the day folks.
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