My stats: 25F 5'3" SW:148 CW:139 LW:132 GW:110
I've been dating my boyfriend for about two years now. I'm currently a few pounds down from the weight I was when I first met him, but a few pounds up from the lowest weight I've been since then. Throughout that whole time, I've never felt comfortable talking to him about my weight (not that he pushed or seemingly cared, but it would occasionally come up). I absolutely would have never given him a number. The few times he did ask, I felt anxious and panicky and wouldn't say it.
Even at my lowest weight, 5+ pounds down from where I am now, I didn't feel comfortable telling him, even though I was so proud of myself then! I guess I worried that it would make him see me differently, or I hoped that maybe he had a lower estimate in his mind that I didn't want to override.
But today it came up in conversation. We were talking about weightlifting, and I asked him if he could estimate how much I might hypothetically be able to lift (I've never seriously tried it before), so he asked me what my weight was (so he could estimate, I guess), and I told him! Just like that! I literally didn't even hesitate. I figured that, hey, he knows what I look like, I feel proud of how far I've come, and that he cares about more than just my weight (he honestly probably doesn't care at all).
This would have even just recently felt like an impossibility. In order to get here, I think the big step was realizing that my current journey says more about me than the number on the scale does and that I should base my self-image more on my actions rather than on my immediate outcomes. Which is something I NEVER thought I'd say! I used to see people write stuff like that on here and think it was BS because for me, the scale absolutely mattered and I wanted to see specific numbers.
I would encourage anyone reading this to consider what hangups they might potentially have surrounding their own numbers, and consider whether or not those mental models are accurate and beneficial towards achieving their ultimate end goals. For example, as a kid who loved K-pop, I grew up with hangups about someday wanting to be 110 lbs because 50kg was supposedly the ideal weight for female idols. But as I grew more interested in running and other athletic endeavors, I realized that this fixation on reaching that number made me shy away from activities that would build muscle. How messed up is that? Lately, I've been seeking more inspiration in the other women I see on my regular running trails. This feels much healthier, more sustainable, and less tied up in a bunch of childhood baggage.
Which numbers matter to you? Where do those numbers come from? How much influence do you want those numbers and/or their associations to have on you? For example, if you have hangups about X because your sister always weighed X, or about Y because Y was your college weight, I would urge you consider if you want to let your envy of your sister have that much of a role in your psyche, or if you're avoiding discovering new potential happy weights as you age because you're struggling with come to terms with no longer being young.
And again, don't get me wrong--I think the number on the scale is a really valuable metric and that paying attention to it can be and often is a hugely powerful tool in maintaining our psyche during the weight loss process. But it's limited in that it can backfire on you. It can lead to shame and embarrassment, which while in the moment can sometimes feel like just the slap in the face we need, and thus can inspire immediate action, their initial power fades fast. Weight loss takes a long time and requires you to maintain a disciplined mindset pretty consistently--how far do you think painful emotions like those can carry you?
Focusing on the positive (or perhaps more realistically: neutral) associations we can have with the scale is going to be more effective than hoping the negative emotions it can cause us will make us finally behave. The negative emotions fail us because of the fact that humans generally seek to act in ways that reinforce our own self-perception (i.e. we like to have a consistent self). In other words, if you feel bad about yourself every day, then you're going to act on behaviors that make you feel like it is appropriate to feel bad about yourself. It's not just that going over your calorie limit can you make you feel like a failure, but also that thinking of yourself as a failure can cause you to act in ways that will reinforce that self-perception--i.e. going over your calorie limit yet again because subconsciously you think "fuck it, I'm that kind of person anyway" or "that's just who I am."
TL;DR In summary, I felt more comfortable telling my boyfriend my weight because I (a) had accumulated enough wins to feel pride at my accomplishments and (b) started working through some of the baggage I had regarding certain numbers. It might be helpful to learn more about the hangups you might have and try to heal from them because otherwise those hangups can influence our actions in unhelpful ways. Would love to know what kind of hangups everyone else might have or hear any thoughts anyone has on the above.
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