I’m visiting my parents and ran into an “auntie” while I was out grocery shopping with my mom (auntie what we call older female family friends around here). Things were light and cordial for a few minutes as we chatted and then she said it, “you gained weight!!!”.
“You must have been eating a lot huh?”
I didn’t gain weight. I lost 70 lbs in the last year to be exact. I haven’t been eating a lot at all. I’ve been watching what I eat and regularly hitting the gym.
My mom knew this and saw how crushed my face was so she quickly changed the topic but the damage was done. After we got in the car, she tried to tell me that the auntie just hasn’t seen me since I was a child and that I’m just a little larger than everyone else around here so that’s why she probably made the comment. She did say that she was still so proud of me for losing weight.
But to me, that comment means that it doesn’t matter that I lost weight. I am still fat. I am still big. I am still seen as “abnormal”. It also just confirms my worst fear: my weight loss is not at all visible and I look exactly the same.
I already suffer from body dysmorphia and have some issues with my body image but this crushed what little confidence I have left. I’m still going to continue losing weight (because I am still technically 10 lbs away from a normal BMI), but I’m just waiting for my body to finally be at a place where people stop pointing out my weight.
It doesn’t help that my family also regularly points out how they’re proud of my weight loss but always adds how I could eat less / work out even more to lose another 20-30 lbs. They’re always insinuating that I’m going to go back to my old habits and reminding me not to eat too much every time I put something in my mouth. Its getting to the point where I wait until they’re out of the house to eat something or have to purposefully eat 1/2 the serving that everyone else in the family is eating in front of them.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3AQVACk
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