I’m 31F 240 lbs and I’m beginning to hate myself really bad because of my weight. I gained a significant amount of weight since 2019 when my mom was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. Since then, I was her primary caretaker and also needed to look after my aging, disabled uncle who lived with us. During that time, I started bingeing as food was my only form of comfort because I was extremely lonely and stressed out. I was also beginning to grieve my mom as we were super close and I knew that she didn’t have long to live. I was emotionally overwhelmed with loneliness, anxiety, and depression and was clinging to things that could make me somewhat happy even for a moment: food. Fast forward, I still feel extremely lonely even though I have friends and ultimately feel a void inside myself that I don’t know how to fix. Romantically, I’ve been rejected a lot (even when I was my skinniest). I don’t think I’m “ugly”, but I’ve seen the ways people talk about fat people and it has really made me feel ugly and worthless. Even the way people talk about losing weight to “get hotter” and general comments about overweight people. I’m tired of the only solution people come up with in feeling this way is to lose weight. I know I need to lose weight but I want to do it for myself and not other people or because that’s what other people want me to do. I am actively taking steps to lose weight, but I feel like it’s because of the self loathing I have due to how everyone treats and talks about overweight people. I feel like I’m being pushed into a corner and it makes me feel even worse. I hate the fact that I don’t feel pretty at my current weight and no matter how I even feel about myself, society will always look at me and how stereotypes about me without knowing how much I’ve been through and how hard I’m trying to take care of myself everyday. It’s even getting to the point where I don’t want to be seen in public. It doesn’t feel good to be judged or treated differently and it’s all getting to me. I’m seeing a therapist but what others think of me/might think of me (including my friends and family) still bothers me on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel afraid to even lose weight because if my friends or anyone starts treating me differently, it will break my heart because it would let me know how low they viewed me at my current weight. Any advice on how to shake/manage these feelings while trying to work towards my weight loss goals? Please be nice. P
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/hHUMtDb
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