Something strange happened this week. It is the first time that I am really starting to get comments about my weight loss. I am not sure what it is - paper towel effect, new clothes, a combination of factors maybe. What is interesting to me is how much I used to hope that people would notice, and now I feel pretty indifferent - like yeah, I know. I have been putting in the hard work.
In May, when I started this journey, I weighed in at 230. Two months ago at the doctor, I was 205. I don't own a scale and don't want to, but I have very little reason to believe that I am not in onederland now, given how items (bras, pants, etc) purchased at my 205 point are now quite big on me.
There are some things I have learned through this journey, and I think it is good to write them out for others as well as myself.
- My relationship to food has changed.
I don't know exactly why I have struggled with a poor relationship with food. I imagine it has been a combination of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and poor coping mechanisms for stress. I used to think about food a lot - I'd finish one meal and wonder what I would have for the next. Now, I still think about food a lot, but in a very different way. I wake up and plan my meals as a part of my morning routine, and then I follow that. Aside from the occasional cheat day (which are necessary), that's about as much as I think about food. It doesn't consume my mind and I feel like I enjoy what I eat still.
- Reducing calories is not that hard.
I love to cook, I love fresh produce and lean protein, and I have found that it is really not that hard to maintain a sensible calorie count if you just follow some basic rules. Limit and measure use of oils. Opt for skinless poultry. Trim fat from meat. Base meals around vegetables. Reduce intake of carbs such as bread to make your calories go further. Use herbs instead of prepackaged sauces. If you plan to go out for dinner, eat lighter throughout the day.
When I started CICO, I started with 1500 net calories a day, so I essentially "ate back" calories burned in exercise. Soon, I didn't need or want to do that and ate 1500 total. After an injury slowed my cardio, I went to 1200-1400 a day, which is where I am at now, and it feels pretty comfortable.
- Exercise isn't necessary for weight loss, but it should still be a part of your routine
While you can create a new body through calorie restriction alone, the benefits of exercise are so numerous that it is insane not to include it. I'm not saying you have to be a gym rat - the mental and physical benefits of even walking are so extensive, something I learned as I went from sedentary to very active to recovering from an injury. I suffer from insomnia. Exercise is the only cure. I will pay the price if I don't walk for at least 45 minutes a day. Whether or not I exercise affects my mood, my sleep, my appetite, and general feelings of well being.
- It isn't that hard to build endurance
I started off walking 30 minutes, 3 times a week. Within a month, I was walking several miles a day and wanted a new challenge, so I did C25K. My injury (which was actually and old unknown injury until I started running) prevented me from finishing the program, but on my last run, I did 2 10 minute segments, something I couldn't have even imagined, and I have no doubt that I could have graduated from the program (and will, once my injury is fully addressed and healed).
- There are lesser known benefits
I found myself making my way through the airport the other day, giant backpack in tow. The last time I went to the airport, that felt strenuous. Now, because of a combination of aforementioned endurance and packing around 30+ pounds less of myself, I find that things like that are just easier, from hiking or climbing stairs to the little things like tying a shoe (current and former fat people know this issue well).
Little things are easier too. I packed for a trip last night and found that I can fit in way more clothing than I used to. I don't have to wonder if today is the day that I will need a seatbelt extender on the airplane.
- There are also drawbacks
There are two big drawbacks I have encountered.
First, I am always cold. It was 70 degrees yesterday and I was driving around in a jacket with the heat on. Hopefully I adapt, but my body doesn't seem to know what to do after losing 30+ pounds of insulation. I am constantly in thermostat wars - at work, at home, and in the car when I am driving with my husband. Being in a room that others describe as "chilly" feels like being in Siberia. I spent last week at a conference wearing a shirt, two sweaters, and a jacket every day.
Second, is the unwanted attention, which I also get goes both ways. Here is what I mean - fat people are often gawked at, and sometimes fetishised. I feel like I was just the right level of fat to be mostly invisible, as I didn't get too many people gawking at me (that I have noticed). Now, heading towards a more "conventional" body, I get a different type of attention, and it's not really what I am after. Sometimes I get catcalled on walks. It's pretty gross.
- Fashion can be motivating.
As a plus sized person, I turned to fashion to improve my relationship with my body. I know the idea of body acceptance (participaron fat acceptance) is controversial, but I found that I couldn't take the right steps to get healthier while I was constantly at war with my body. Fashion got me to a point of peace, and then it sparked motivation for my journey. Let's face it - plus size fashion is still limited, and the number of stores you can physically shop at is very limited. Once I got into fashion, I found that I wanted to wear things that weren't accessible to me. The first time I was able to shop in a store for straight sized individuals, I cried tears of joy. The second that I could fit into clothes at Anthropologie, I went on a wonderful delirious spending spree. It felt so liberating.
- It doesn't ever stop.
I sort of have a list of things that I eat, and I have eaten them enough times to know how many calories I am eating, but I still log faithfully every day. Accountability is important, and the second you stop paying attention, you might start slipping in extra calories or getting lazy about measuring. Before you know it, your calories are out of control.
I am not yet at maintenance, but when I get there, I plan to log faithfully every day. I might think twice about a burger versus a salad. I might find new recipes to try and will need to learn about their nutritional value. Mostly, I just don't want to slip so many times that I suddenly find myself falling off the cliff.
- You will quietly motivate others.
Since starting my journey, two members of my family have started weight watchers. Some of my colleagues talk to me about their struggles with weight loss. One has started IF. One has cut back on drinking. One of my friends got MFP. Another started running a few days a week. There is of course internal motivation and weeks, months, or years of thought that went into their decisions - long before I started my journey - but I don't think it is a coincidence that they all pulled the trigger around the same time that my weight loss became noticable. You might be that factor that gives them the confidence to just fucking do it already. I know my own journey was something I thought about (and sometimes attempted) for years, but it was r/progresspics and this sub that really gave me the push I needed to stick with it.
So thank you - all of you, who have had the courage to share pictures and stories. You inspire me.
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