This is my life. Every single time. Every. Single. Time. This is my sixth cycle in seven years. This is by far the fastest I've put the weight back on. Right on track to have the full 55 back on in the same amount of time that I lost it. I hate myself.
That's right; I hate myself. I've said it. Food is the only thing that makes me feel decent. Well, that and beer. Food and beer. That's all I've got. Forty-five fucking pounds in three and a half months. Do you have any idea how much I have eaten on a consistent, regular basis to achieve this? The worst part is that I actually lost seven pounds during this time frame in a desperate bid to not go back. Gained that back almost immediately but, if we're counting, really I have gained a total of 52 lbs in 3.5 months.
God. I looked so good. My clothes fit so well. I had a new wardrobe. My coworkers were impressed. Girls were checking me out constantly. I got a custom suit, well above my pay-grade, tailored to that awesome body. None of it even lasted a quarter of a year.
I'm having a surgery in less than a month that will put me basically on bedrest for two months. Want to take bets as to how much I'll gain during that time period?
Unless I feel stuffed, I feel empty. That's all there is to it. Therapy doesn't help. Meditation doesn't help. My hobbies don't help. Family doesn't help. I think I'm finally beyond help. I can't lose it all again. Just to gain it right back. It's seriously a pointless endeavor. I knew that going in to the initial weight loss because I had done it so many times before. There is no point.
I'm a wreck. I hate myself. I give up.
Edit: This is a throwaway because people know my username and I'm so embarrassed. Not to mention that I have "progress pics" posted on my main account. I should post some "regress pics."
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2yJRWuH
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