After 5 months of strict dieting and losing a good amount of weight, some life events led me to fall off the wagon for about a month and a half. I think I was roughly maintaining- which is awesome that I didn't really gain- but I'm so big still, that the month and a half was crucial time that I wasted. It sucks that I let that happen, but I know there's nothing I can do now but move forward.
I'm back at it again, but god, it's like torture. Every day is just miserable. I'm stuck in the mental predicament where I want to keep my calories low so that I get to my goal quickly and don't burn out, but even eating very little, it's still going to take me forever to be where I want to be at. I play around with calorie calculators all the time, and even if I only ate 500/day it would take me over a half a year to be at my goal and that's if i kept losing at a steady rate, never plateaued, and never cheated.... When I put something like 1000 calories a day, it's overwhelming painful, how long that will take me to reach my UGW- like over a year- and 1000 calories is not very much to eat every single day. I just feel so overwhelmed. Each day of dieting is torture- mentally and physically. It was such a struggle to even do the 5 months I did before and the thought of doing that for the next year is almost unfathomable. I was able to eat at maintenance calories easily, so it's not that I don't think I'll be able to keep my weight down once I can eat "normally" again, but the whole eating at a deficit is what kills me.
I'm putting my whole life on hold until I get thinner (I refuse to date until I'm comfortable in my own body, I'm postponing vacations, I'm not taking photos....) it's like I don't want to do anything until I'm happy with my weight, so I really want/need to lose the weight ASAP. I already lost so much of my life being fat, I can't postpone living any longer.
And I used to be thin too, so I *know* what weight I'll be happy with myself at, and nothing before that will suffice. Until I'm down to 120, I know exactly what I'll look like, and it's not good. So I know, full-well, that I'm not going to date or vacation or whatever, until I'm at that weight. I was there before and it's the weight that I know looked best on me and it's where I feel comfortable at.
Idk... it's just rough and I needed to vent to others who would understand :( I'm sure once I get into the "swing" of things again, the next several months will be done before I know it and I'll start to slowly look better and better and that will keep me encouraged, but right now it's just so overwhelming to think about right now. And I just hate how I look right now so much: fat chin, fat arms, big stomach flab, blobby legs... It should be enough motivation to keep me firmly strict with my calories but I just want to give up so badly, it's like I'm fighting a battle with myself every day. Even just tonight, I went to throw food out of my cupboard- came across some cookies that expire at the end of the month and ate 3 of them (160 calories) before throwing the rest out. Like why did I do that? I'm still under my TDEE, but every single calorie counts when it comes to adding time onto my goal date, but it was like I was powerless when I saw them.
I just can't stand dieting. I wish I could just cut the fat off of me or be knocked into a coma until I was thin. Any words of advice to keep me strong when the end is so so so far away?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2OcEcDs
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