I feel broken. I wish I was raised to have healthy eating habits in the first place, like everybody else.

I don't understand how the vast majority of humanity just instinctively knows how to eat just the right amount of food. None of my thin friends need to weigh things out, make sure they eat only one serving, or give themselves "cheat days" because they know they can't help but eat a whole sheet of brownies in one sitting (most people don't even want more than one or two - my defective brain wants so many that it makes me puke). They just know how to eat like normal human beings. None of them have ever thought about their eating habits. I think that's what people mean when they say that some people "don't even have to try". Of course they're doing something, and their bodies aren't producing a healthy result with no healthy input. But for them, this behavior is just a natural part of existence.

For me, it's a lot more complicated. I'm about 10 lbs overweight, down from being close to 100 lbs overweight. Every day is a struggle. I have eaten at or slightly over maintenance for the past week and I hate myself for it. I wasn't raised with healthy eating habits at all. Till this day, no meal is considered complete by my family members unless half of the plate is some form of greasy potato. I wasn't aware that the point of a meal isn't to be so full that it physically hurts to eat more until I was an adult. So naturally, I did that too, and it became an intrinsic part of how I think. It doesn't just go away because I objectively know it's wrong and unhealthy. The feeling is still there.

I feel like I'll be stuck this way for the rest of my life and it sucks. It's so disheartening. I wish I could just be like everyone else and have this stuff come naturally to me. I'll never be able to cook a recipe without spending an extra hour weighing everything out, making sure I weigh out my portions, etc. otherwise I'll just inhale everything in sight. The second I stop counting calories meticulously, I'll be on the path to obesity again, because my brain doesn't work like thin people's brains do. It sucks so much.

THAT is the part of weight loss that's out of people's control.

submitted by /u/cherryloaf
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