Maintenance is tough

Stats: 30F, 5'3", SW 158.8 lbs, CW (3 month average) 135 lbs. Lowest single weigh-in was 129.9 lbs. Lowest weekly average 131 lbs. Goal met in April 2018.

I understand the mechanics of weight loss and maintaining a lower weight. CICO works beautifully for me. It allows me to have higher calorie and lower calorie days, to eat some of my treat foods sometimes, and to have a huge portion of something low calorie and nutritious when I want to eat a lot of food. The flexibility is great for me.

So I know what I need to do to maintain. I have gained an average of 4 pounds since April. If I keep going this way, that will be 8 pounds in a year, which is not what I want to see. And I know exactly what I need to do to get it off - back to eating at a deficit to get my average weight back down.

However, I'm having such a hard time switching back into the mindset of losing. I knew I'd have to keep working and tracking in order to maintain, but I think the long term reality is hitting me and maybe I'm having a hard time really accepting this.

The other thing that has been difficult is exercise. I'm exercising more than ever, which should be a great thing. But now I'm hungrier. It was almost easier to lose when I didn't exercise as much because the hunger was less persistent. So I'm trying to eat more to compensate, but then I'm not seeing results. It was easier when I could just stick with 1200-1300 cals as my range and move on. Now it's tough to figure out the calorie range that will really work with the added exercise.

And then there are just the days when I want to eat more and not care. Which is theoretically fine (if I eat at a slight deficit a lot of the time, a day of overeating won't cause weight gain) but hasn't been working in practice.

So I need to change... And I think that's the part I'm having trouble accepting. What I'm doing is not working. I'm going to regain, slowly but surely, if I keep doing what I'm doing.

I need to...

1. Find a way to get back into the mindset of losing. I am up on average and I want to get back down, which will take work.

2. Have less treat days - maybe 2x per month like I did when losing before. I have a form of PTSD and I find that letting go a little bit helps manage my symptoms.

3. Be compassionate with myself. Maintenance is hard. It's ok that it's hard. I'm learning how to do this and that's ok.

Any other advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated! I am feeling like I need some extra support to get back on this train.

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