For the next year and a half I was single and lost all the weight. I felt confident and strong. After that, I entered another 2 year relationship in which I gained 50 lbs. Again, depressed, sex life non-existent, felt lonely and awful. I left him and started my weight loss journey for a second time. Over the next year and a half I lost all the weight again.". I stayed with him for two years, he was very kind and loved me but I was so depressed and needed change so I broke up with him.
For the next year and a half I was single and lost all the weight. I felt confident and strong. After that, I entered another 2 year relationship in which I gained 50 lbs. Again, depressed, sex life non-existant, felt lonely and awful. I left him and started my weight loss journey for a second time. Over the next year and a half I lost all the weight again.
This past August, entered another relationship. I figured I'm in control this time, I know what I need to do to maintain my weight, I'm healthy I'm strong. Nope, it's December and I've gained 30 lbs already..
The man I'm with now is generous, sweet, loving, by far the best boyfriend I've had but it doesn't matter because now I feel like I need to leave him. I'm unhealthy again, depressed again, insecure again. I don't want to give this version of myself to him and I want to be healthy more than I want to be with someone.
This pattern has now happened 3 times and I don't know what to do. It's like I can only be healthy and happy when I'm alone.. I feel like I'm never going to want to enter another relationship. Has anyone else experienced this kind of pattern?
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