I need some reassurance

I was going to make a new account to post this so it’s not on my main but I’m too lazy and just want to get this rant off my chest before I chicken out

I need to lose weight but I’m just so, so stressed about it. I’m a female, 20 (21 in February!), 5’4”, 294lbs and I have Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Autism, Dyscalculia (which basically means I can’t do math for shit) and possibly ADHD (getting tested for that soon). And I get stressed by almost everything.

When I was a kid my mom was a traveling nurse so my family traveled a lot and we did TONS of hiking, swimming, etc so I used to be super fit but after settling down we stopped doing that and I basically just gained tons of weight.

I’ve been seeing a health psychologist and a dietician and I’m on Qysimia (a weight loss medication) but I have such horrible self control and eat everything so all I’ve done is gain weight. My mom and I cleaned out the pantry and got rid of all the chips etc but she still gets stuff and of course I find it and eat it. I don’t know if I eat because I’m stressed, because the food tastes good and I’m addicted to it, or what.

I also eat huge portions because for some reason I guess I’m terrified of being hungry? If I don’t eat for a few hours I get kind of shaky and feel funny (all of my doctors talked with me about this and said it was normal to feel that way if I don’t eat for a really long time) so I guess to prevent it I just eat massive portions. I’m also one of those people that’s constantly worried that I have something wrong with me health wise, like I have something wrong with my thyroid, or I have cancer, or a tumor, or something, so that doesn’t really help my stress levels either I’m sure.

I’ve been measuring my cereal in the morning and writing down things in MyFitnessPal (like things that I can measure easily or have the name/portion already written on the box, my mom enters pretty much everything else). But I’m so terrified that no matter what I do I’m not going to be able to lose the weight that I want (at least 150lbs).

My doctors aren’t being reassuring either, I asked them if I work really hard, even if it takes years, if I’ll be able to lose the weight I want and they just say “Well, maybe, but some people need surgery, etc,” but the thought of having weight loss surgery makes me want to cry because I’m terrified of medical procedures. I literally had a breakdown and cried when my mom made an appointment to get my wisdom teeth removed and I had to be put under full anesthesia because I refused to be awake with just general anesthesia for the procedure.

Speaking of medical procedures, what about loose skin? I already have a ton of stretch marks all over my stomach and some on my upper arms and honestly I don’t really mind stretch marks, but I’m terrified of losing weight and then just ending up with a bunch of lose skin because, again, I’m terrified of medical procedures and thinking about having some sort of complication during one and possibly dying makes me want to cry.

I haven’t really looked into them too much, but for those of you guys who’ve had loose skin removed, is the procedure generally safe? I know it’s apparently extremely painful and you have to take it easy for a while, and you obviously end up with scars (which I actually don’t mind the thought of honestly) but how did the procedure go for you? What are the complications/side effects that you could have from it? I think I read something about having feeling issues (like losing feeling in certain areas, if that makes sense) but I’m not sure.

I’m sorry if this post is super incoherent and weird to read, I’m just super stressed about my weight right now and I just… Needed to get everything off my chest. I’ve been thinking about starting to see my therapist again but I don’t really know how to explain to him what’s going on or how to ask him for help.

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