I'm close to being overweight again for the first time in ~5 years.

A quick recap of my weight loss journey so far.

• Feb 15 2015: I started my weight loss journey at 88.1 kg with a BMI of 32.5.

• Nov 17 2015: I hit my initial goal weight of 55 kg with a BMI of 20.3, having lost 33.1 kg in just a little over 9 months.

• Nov 17 2015 — Sep 11 2018: I managed to maintain my weight for roughly ~3 years with only minor fluctuations in between. September 2018 marked a worrisome trend when my weight surpassed 57 kg for the first time in many years.

• Sep 11 2018 — Aug 12 2019: Throughout 2019, my weight continued to climb slowly, peaking at 60.5 kg in August.

• Mar 19 2019: Today, I measured at 65.4 kg with a BMI of 24.17. This is the closest I've been to overweight since 5 years ago, and at least then I was still losing weight. That hasn't been the case for several months now...

Here's a graph to help visualize the above.

How did it get to this point?

Well, there are several reasons. For one, my migraines got significantly worse and I developed daily, chronic headaches in late 2017, which only got worse throughout 2018 and 2019, making it harder to go through long periods of not eating or snacking. Food helps numb the pain, what else can I say...

The other reason would be depression, partly caused by other things, and partly caused by the above. The hopelessness of the situation has made it difficult to be optimistic about losing weight, seeing as I'll still be in pain and that is what makes me unhappy. But I know gaining weight will make it even worse, so it's a slippery slope no matter which way you look at it.

I was also briefly in a relationship for about 10 months from 2018 til 2019 with someone whose dietary habits differed from mine (we went out to eat fairly regularly) and that made it harder to continue my obsessive calorie counting.

And now there's the whole coronavirus situation. Most of my family members belong in risk groups and that's made me deeply worried for their safety as well as my own. I buy snacks almost every day just because it feels like it's the "end of the world". It's made me reckless with my eating. Might as well eat all the good stuff now while I still can, right?

I have no idea how I'll climb out of this ditch. It's hard, both mentally and physically. And I don't feel as strong and healthy as I did in 2015.

I'm so disappointed in myself.

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