327.6 to 189.4 in 2 years (-17 days) - ALL the lessons (Loooooong but hopefully helpful advice)

I started this at my heaviest ever, 327.6, in January of 2019. I mapped this out as a three year journey. Goal for the end of 2020 was 196lbs. I chose that number because a) under 200 b) no longer obese (am 5'8) c) it meant 0.5lb a week for 52 weeks in year 3 to hit my goal weight d) while it wasn’t a small amount of weight at 131.6 it seemed achievable when done over 104 weeks at just over 1.25 lbs per week.

So 199 was goal 1, followed by 196 as stretch goal, then 189.4 (see below) followed by 187.6 (-140bs) as the final probably not achievable but might as well have it as a goal anyway, goal.

I hit 189.4 today which means I am now (at age 45) at my lowest adult weight ever! While there are 17 days left to go in my year (I weigh in Sundays so Dec 27 is the last weigh in, I just really felt it this morning and decided on a rare mid-week weight check) I thought I would post this earlier than I had planned and share some lessons learned from my 3rd and, hopefully, final go around at this.

Lessons from failure #1 1999-2001 (269 to 189.5)

• Don’t let day to day life get away from you. This was the classic “100 extra calories a day on average over time” gotcha. It took 6 years to go back up to the low 240’s and 14 years to hit 294 (attempt #2). I wasn’t eating six chocolate bars a day or guzzling 17 beers at a time, I was just eating moderately poorly most of the time and that just gets you over time. Weigh in weekly FOREVER. “Our” natural eating regime is what got us into this in the first place, I’d accept that you just have to monitor this continually.

• Don’t think “I’m done” and stop doing what got you down in the first place. I hit 189.5 and was like HA HA DONE! And then proceeded to go on a million dates (with high calorie dinners), largely stopped going to the gym (I still played squash but always found a reason to bail on the pre or post-match workout, and didn’t go on days when I didn’t have a game planned) and otherwise threw all my good habits out the window. As per above, I didn’t regain it all in a week but month by month I packed on the pounds and undid all that brutal effort.

Lessons from failure #2 2014-2015 (294 to 237)

• Stress workout, don’t stress eat. Long story short my father went over a cliff (dementia, angry Alzheimer’s, pancreatic cancer) and 2015 was just a nightmare of stress and all that work went poof (it started just as I hit 230) as I grabbed every burrito and burger I could on the way home from the hospital. Some weight gain, sure, ALL the weight gain and then some? Should never have let that happen. It took four years to get the oomph back to restart and by then I was my heaviest ever.

• Don’t rely on others for motivation. I was in a weight loss group at the time (of friends) and they saw me eating terribly and nobody said one f’ing word. No “Gee, Alex, I know times are really stressful but maybe don’t eat a giant burrito and a bag of chips for dinner every night”. I think part of me (from my history with my shitty father) ended up trying to spite them for their lack of caring by eating shittier (dumb hunh?). If you allow others to fuel your motivation then what do you do if they let you down?

Lessons from success #1 2019-present (327.6 to 189.4)

• You have to want this for more than vague reasons. While I’d like to think that “not die of a heart attack at 50” is a great reason, it’s very hard to stay motivated and suffer today for the possibility of some future negative reality. How many people floss furiously two days before going to the dentist and then not again until two days before the next appointment? How many people make a Jan 1 vow to “lose weight” and stick to it? My rationale was this trip that I REALLY want to do that requires a level of fitness. That’s literally it. I want to see Mount Everest with my own eyes and do this 18 day hike in Nepal. I can’t tell you why that hit the right spot for me but it does. So, if you can, find a compelling reason to change your life and make it so compelling that it is always going to outweigh the instant gratification of eating junk or not working out.

• Start weight training right away. I frequently see (terrible) advice that you should get down to your goal before adding weight training. I see so many benefits it’s not funny. Not only does muscle burn calories at rest, it fills up loose skin, has made me more confident and I look WAY better at this weight than if I hadn’t done any resistance training.

• A huge amount of progress can be made with relatively low amounts of effort. I lost the first 52.8lbs averaging 2017 calories a day and doing less than 2 hours of exercise a week (over 26 weeks) while being sedentary otherwise. Nothing gets me madder than seeing “I eat 1200 calories a day as a 6ft 25 year old dude” posts. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF to get most of the way there. Sure, if you want 10% body fat and to be shredded then you have to live at the gym but you can get 60-70% to your goal running a reasonable deficit and doing some exercise.

• Make this a priority. Unless you died, are getting married or are having a baby, don’t call me on gym night. I am happy to re-arrange gym nights to make room for fun but the gym is going to happen four days of a week (pre-covid) so I am going to choose the gym over other stuff. Put yourself first.

• See this as a process not an end goal. You know what changed for me today? Nothing. A cute woman didn’t knock on my door to flirt. An amazing career opportunity wasn’t waiting for me when I checked email. I weighed in, went yay, and am moving on with my day. Know what happens when people win gold medals? They often get SUPER depressed. They have worked so hard to get it and now the goal is achieved and they have no idea what to do with themselves. The goal is not to hit X weight, it’s to live a fulfilling life and that’s a lifelong process. Don’t make hitting X weight the be all and end all because then you hit it and all that energy disappears. Maintaining X is never going to be as sexy as “losing” is.

• Or have the next goal queued up! Goal is 170 by end of 2021. Next goal after that Is Everest base camp hike end of 2022, then Kilimanjaro 2023 then something else. Keep that carrot out there. If I can keep a goal that intrigues me and requires fitness then I can stay engaged and keep going.

• Related: I think people have this lottery like feeling for weight loss. One day you are poor the next you win and you are filthy rich. It’s taken 713 days to go from day 1 to today. 713. So, when you hit your goal it’s important to know that if you feel underwhelmed by your own response that’s natural. You aren’t going to jump around and go crazy because when you started the goal was to lose say 100lbs but achieving your goal actually just means losing slightly more than last week, if that makes sense.

• Do the work once. I keep a “calories per gram” bible on top of my microwave. It has pretty much everything I regularly eat in terms of its calories per gram. For every recipe or dish, do the work to create the calories and then you never have to do that work again. Whether you do it on MFP or some other website or manually (like me), future you will thank you for doing the math and writing it down. Anything you can do to make this easier on yourself is going to be a good call long term.

• Willpower is limited. I always say it this way. It’s not getting through 24 hours that’s the problem. Dieting is a breeze 23:45 a day. It’s those 15 minutes worth of moments over the course of the day that get you. I can eat 600 calories of twizzlers in 4 minutes and poof a great day goes to mediocre, 600 more and it’s a bad day. So, where possible, put yourself in a position not to have to need to use any willpower. Pre-plan meals, cut up your veggies the night before, don’t have junk in the house etc..etc… make your life as easy as possible to stick to good habits.

• In the same vein, use your time wisely. Know what I am doing when veggies are roasting for dinner? Doing any advance prep I can for the next night’s dinner. When I make burgers (from scratch, obvs this would not make sense with burgers that you are buying pre made) I make like 6-8 and freeze them so I have an easy dinner for when I don’t want to cook. One of the big problems with losing weight is that it absolutely adds work to your day and if you arrive home at 6pm and have to cut up butternut squash and do this and do that then you are more likely to grab crap on the way home. I am always thinking about tomorrow and using whatever dead time I have while cooking to do advance work for the next day.

• Put it on the schedule. Exercise is not something I love every day but it is on the schedule so I (mostly) do it. If I am feeling really ragged then sure I will take a day off but it’s far easier to just do it because it’s a thing you do as part of the schedule than trying to be motivated every single day.

• Build up to it. We are heading into Jan which is the land of “I am going to lose all the weight by TOMORROW” when people go hog wild and come up with insane plans that are doomed to fail. You are simply not going to do 7 hours of cardio in your first week. Set realistic goals and increase the exercise load slowly. The point is not to have you set a goal that you can only fulfill on a day when you are crazy motivated but a goal you can gut through on a day when you aren’t. The largest amount of cardio I’ve ever done in a week is six hours on the bike. It took like 90 weeks to get to that level. My first week I did three 15 minute sessions on the treadmill at 3mph.

• Map this out. My goal for the end of this year was based on 2lb per week for 6 months, then 1.5, 1 and 0.5. Which is 130lbs in two years and then 0.5 for all of year three to get me to 156 (actual goal 157.6)…that’s fully HALF of three years at a 0.5lb per week average. What that does is a) give me some breathing room calorie wise b) means that on day 1 I knew this would going to be a looooong slog but it also set short/medium and long term goals that put me in a realistic mindset. This is not going to be solved tomorrow and you are way more likely to stick with it if you map it out as a realistic project. And if you are ahead of plan then bonus.

• Be kind (but fair) to yourself. If you had a shitty day then buck up and don’t make it worse but negative self talk doesn’t do you any good. You are not a piece of garbage for having a bad day or even outright failing, this is crazy hard. BUT don’t give yourself outs. “I had a bad day” is not a reason to eat garbage. “But I am lazy” is not a good reason not to make a healthy dinner. The habits do not develop overnight and you have to work at it.

• Limiting apocalyptic days is more important, imho, than anything else. In two years I’ve had EIGHT days over 3000 calories. That’s 1 every 98.5 days (and that’s two birthdays, two Christmases, one NYE, two thanksgivings and one random crap day) The math is simple...6 1700 calorie days and 1 5000 calorie day is worse than 7 2000 calorie days. I am a firm believer that this is best accomplished not with feast/famine but with a regular moderate deficit, plus training your body that 2000 calories (or whatever for you) is normal is better than starve starve starve EAT EVERYTHING starve starve starve.

• Understand who your allies are (and who they aren’t). Lots of people end up surprised that their friends or family aren’t supportive. People don’t like change and you changing threatens the status quo. Do not let people sabotage or guilt you. Anyone who demands you eat the apple pie they cooked is not on your side. Be strong.

• Understand that most people, frankly, don’t care about your journey. So many people want affirmation and cheers and I understand that, but your getting married, buying a house, going on a trip etc… is a you thing. If you let yourself be governed by what others say or don’t say then you are giving away all your power. If somebody says you look great then yay, but don’t expect people to be invested in your trying to lose weight.

• Don’t only think about the end goal. There is a looooot of weight between 170 and 327.6. Even hitting 250 would be of huge benefit. If I stopped at say 225 I’d still be overweight but at a 38 waist I could shop in every store, I could fit XL’s etc…etc…. the point is don’t just focus on the end goal, focus on the progress along the way and it will make you happier.

• So many people worry about like loose skin before they have even lost a pound. That’s the equivalent about stressing about what Ferrari to buy when you win the lottery. You have to focus on today so stop worrying about hypotheticals a year from now. You can always stop losing weight or regain it if you really want to. Stop giving yourself reasons not to do this!

• Think about what works for you. Personally, I love data, I track everything I have goals mapped out, I have gamified the entire process. But you are different, so come up with things that work for you. There are lots of ways for different approaches to all hit the same result.

• Give it a chance. I can’t say I love calorie counting but, at this point, it’s just a thing I do. I don’t know that I even think about it much. I know the calories per gram of most of the meats and veggies I eat by heart. It’s not going to become a habit overnight and so give an approach an adequate amount of time. You may find that once you’ve gotten it down (whatever that is) that it isn’t as onerous as it first seemed. Maybe 30 min of cardio while listening to podcasts will become the best part of your day.

• Don’t let slow progress get you down and/or expect certain results for a weigh in. Weight loss is weird. Some weeks you are going to eat well and exercise and lose nothing. Others you are going to eat mediocre and lose 3lbs. Over time eating poorly is not going to result in weight loss, obvs, but on an individual week the results are not going to be 1:1 what you expect. Try to emotionally distance yourself from the scale. And that’s hard, at every major goal point I get really angry when I have a good week and can’t crack it. But that anger doesn’t do anyone any good. So, instead, reflect on how far you’ve come and give it another week (or two). You will get there!

• Find a food regime that is going to work long term. Anyone can go a week (if necessary) on an all Twinkie diet of 1500 calories a day. The key to this is to create food habits that work long term. I have discovered that roasted butternut squash, green beans and broccoli are great. I have 25 different spice rubs for fish and chicken in my pantry. I am never not going to love a pub burger, fries and a beer but it is entirely possible to eat clean five days a week with food I enjoy and then have a pub burger on the 6th or 7th day and have it even out on the week calorie wise.

• “Nobody’s coming for you”. Seriously, this is a you thing. A lot of people post for advice and this community, including me, is happy to help…but…you are going to do this…I, and everyone else, have their own shit to deal with…if you need somebody to show up at your door every day to push you to exercise then what happens when they get the flu? You no longer exercise? What happens when your supportive partner isn’t there that night and you have to make yourself dinner or order in? You have to own this.

• You have to change your mindset. So friends (a couple) of mine posted pics on twitter about her birthday and they showed the birthday cake he got her. Two years ago I doubt I’d have thought anything but “looks yum”. Now? I thought “what are they going to do with all the leftovers?”. i.e. it’s COVID, they weren’t sharing the cake with 8 people, they were going to have a slice at like every meal for 3-4 days until it was gone. Which is fine if you’re doing crazy athlete level exercise but not so good if you aren’t (and I love them but they aren’t). The smart move would have been to just get two slices of cake rather than an entire cake. My point is you have to think about everything in new ways.

• Start fresh every four months. One of my middle journey mistakes (talking 13 weeks to get through the 230’s when every other 10lb block had taken 6 or fewer) was that I was still thinking of myself as a 330lb guy trying to lose weight rather than a 240lb guy. Every so often you have to reset your calorie targets and goals based on what you weigh now. Every lb you lose means you no longer need calories to maintain that lb. So recalculate your TDEE and go from there. I think most plateaus are, frankly either poor tracking or poor goals in relation to your current weight. Once I dropped my calorie targets I started busting through the 10lbs blocks at a decent speed again (7.25 week average to get through 220, 210, 200, 190).

• Listen to your body. I take every 10th week off from exercise because eventually I just break down. I looked at my stats and noticed that about every 10 weeks my output crashed so now I just schedule the break. Exercise is wonderful but everyone needs rest to both recuperate and let your muscles rebuild stronger. My set schedule is four days of exercise a week with an optional cardio 5th day if I am feeling up to it.

There you have it...hopefully some of this resonated and is helpful.

So…if wondering, I am shooting for 187.6 over the next 17 days (-1.8) and will hopefully hit that. The plan for year 3 is pretty simple. Lose 0.4 lbs a week / get fitter. Obvs I'd love to come out of the gate strong and hit like 175 by end of June but every lb now is going to be a grind and I think setting a reasonable goal is better for now, so cracking 180 seems reasonable.

Last point. If I a 45 year old crazy sedentary guy who woke up every morning walking like an 80 year old (my achilles tendons were in rough shape) and had bad knees and a bad back and was single (still am lol) and depressed out of his gourd can figure out a way to drop 138+ lbs and still be crazy motivated, then you can too!!!

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