TW: abuse, suicide of a friend
When I was a kid, my mom would tell me I have a kangaroo pouch for a stomach. She was obese since early adulthood and said a lot of shit you just don't say to kids (or anyone really, but especially not to kids). My sisters and I have all been hyper-aware and concerned about our weights and at least one sister (that I know of) and I have struggled with disordered eating. After high school, I gained 18kg.
A lot of what went on when I was a kid (ie. Emotional, mental and physical abuse and neglect) led me to up and move thousands of kilometers away. I'm now married, a rabbit mom and I'm trying to figure things out.
The country I grew up in is notorious for unhealthy eating and the country I moved to is in most cases much more health conscious. I learned a lot about healthy living from the host family I originally lived with and from my husband and his family. It's been slow going and I've had trouble losing weight, despite making healthy changes. I lost 10kg pretty randomly a few years ago. When I moved, I weighed 90kg.
Last year I stayed at a psychiatric hospital for a bit and decided it was time to work on my mental health instead of working and studying all the time. This year, I was starting to do better, but wasn't completely happy with myself. I knew that was mostly a therapy topic, but I decided to focus a bit more on physical health. I started working out every other day. At first I was still not eating proper amounts and was drinking far too much far too often, so there weren't really any results. Slowly but surely, I started weighing food to learn proper portion sizes and trying to change my thinking (ie. "I could eat sour gummies or drink come, but I don't want to because I don't like what it does to my body" or "this workout is hard and I could stop, but I don't want to, because I want to lose weight and become stronger and I can do hard things"), which has been a really difficult, but seemingly effective change. It also really helped recognizing that I need control and finding a healthy way to exercise it.
This summer, I received a diagnosis I wasn't happy about and shortly after that, a friend of mine took her own life and while that was incredibly difficult, I surprised myself by being able to easily lean on working out (especially running) and drawing as a support, while processing, instead of alcohol and food.
I started this year at 80kg. I had a bit of a plateau after summer and felt discouraged, but I upped Cardio and worked on portion sizes and stated avoiding sugar and processed foods. This morning I weighed in at 69,6. I've achieved 53% of my weight loss goal. I'm so proud of myself for what I've achieved! I've always struggled with seeing myself in a positive light, so it's an even bigger deal for me that I can say that too.
Thank you all for your support and community!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3gAdPlS
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