I keep gaining, I’m seriously on the verge of a meltdown

Today when I stepped on the scale it read 207.

Last week on the 24th of November it was 204.4

I know I didn’t gain 3 pounds in a week. I’m simply NOT eating that many calories even on an overeating day.

But I’m 5’4, 26 years old and I feel like a fucking failure. I feel like my only option is to starve myself. I know that’s unhealthy. I know not to do it.

I’ve been tracking on my fitness pal and no fucking progress. At first I left my goals at “maintain”. I am lightly active as I workout 5+ times a week and it gives me 2300 calories.

I have consistently eaten less than that. Hanging around the 1600-1800 range. Anything LESS than maintaining should mean LOSING. Slow but steady, still fueling my body, eating when I’m hungry and not eating if I’m not. If I choose lose 1+ lbs a week it gives me 1500. So even if I eat above 1500 by accident it should only slow my weight loss not cause gain

I cook my own food. I use a food scale/serving size measurements. I make healthy swaps such as using my air fryer or swapping pasta for spaghetti squash. I use nonfat Greek yogurt in place of sour cream.

I mean for heavens sake I’m EMBARRASSED. People see me as the girl who loves fitness and became a personal trainer. Why am I just gaining and gaining??? I don’t care that the pandemic has been hard. I really don’t. I don’t fault OTHERS for gaining some weight but this is ridiculous for me.

Weight literally piles onto me at one extra calorie and never comes off. I feel so defeated.

And to those who will ask, I’ve had bloodwork done. On the medical side of things, I’m healthy. No cholesterol issues, no blood pressure issues, no blood sugar issues. No indication of any thyroid issue or PCOS.

I am literally just eating too many calories apparently. But I don’t know how low to go. I’m sorry but 1200 is NOT enough. It’s just not. I refuse to drop that low when I’m in the gym squatting 225 and dumbbell chest pressing 50s as a female.

I tried calling a dietitian but insurance doesn’t cover it. I don’t even remotely have the disposable income to spend on one.

TL;DR: despite making healthy choices and tracking calories To stay below maintenance I keep gaining weight

All bloodwork keeps coming back normal

Insurance won’t cover dietitian

submitted by /u/anonymous_anxiety
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