I've been obese since I was 18 and I'm now 25, I have had an eating disorder since I was 12 and it was restrictive until I was about 17 when I started eating properly and found I couldn't stop, I ended up gaining about 170lbs.
Since then my weight has yo-yo'd for years as I found in 2015 I reached a high of 290lbs at which point my whole family was getting super concerned and I decided to lose weight for my health to be honest. I managed to get my weight back down to 252lbs and I've had a years where I get down to 220lbs and then I end up going back up to 260. This year I decided I really needed to get my weight down because I'm already at severe risk of hospitalisation or death with covid but I've realised I have a food addiction and whilst I don't binge or purge anymore (something I did for years no matter my weight) I still struggle with wanting food as its my main coping mechanism for some severe trauma.
I can't afford therapy and I'm on a waiting list for NHS therapy for my PTSD. So far this year I've gone from 250 lbs down to 232 lbs but I find I always lose about 28 lbs and then I suddenly lose all motivation, I've come here to ask for advice on keeping motivation and to talk to you all about my intense fear of loose skin.
I have some lose skin on my breasts about an inch of it at the top of my breasts and a little bit on my belly, thighs and upper arms from all the yo yo weight.
It's not noticeable to other people but I know it's there and I'm so scared that if I do lose the amount I want to that I'll have bags of excess skin and I'm terrified of feeling uglier than when I started. Weirdly enough I'm finally at a point where I don't hate my body, sure I don't love it but I don't hate it or fixate on it anymore like I used to.
my goal weight is 150lbs which would give me a bmi of 24 which I know isn't ideal but I feel like it's a reasonable end goal for now.
Ive seen a lot of Instagrammers who make channels normalising their loose skin especially ones who have a lot of loose skin on their stomachs and whilst I'm so happy that they are happy I'm terrified that if I start getting lots of loose skin or bunching that I'll hate myself?
Also my method of weight loss is 1800 calories a day and so far its working really well and I'm not unmanageably trigger to overeat and I'm not getting overwhelmed or feeling like I'm going without. I have tried drastic restriction before, keto, fasting, juice diets etc and I found they all made me feel really unstable mentally and they resulted in severe relapses with binge/purging and yo-yo weight.
I hope this makes sense and someone here can share their thoughts with me.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37N7KzA
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