This is an accountability post for myself, I am manifesting it and putting it in writing so I can internalize it, hopefully if anyone is going through something similar they won't feel alone in it.
I have been overweight my whole life, and I got sick of it. At my heaviest I was 260+, after some lifestyle changes I unintentionally got down to 220 and decided this summer that enough was enough. I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to look and feel nicer, and back in September I started trying to lose weight. Through CICO and light exercise, I got down to the 190s, and I was doing great. My relationship with food changed, I was making sustainable changes, and I was really happy with the changes in my habits and appearance.
Then, my little brother passed away unexpectedly and I was a wreck. People were forcing me to eat because I wouldn't do it myself, I stopped exercising, and I stopped giving a fuck about anything in my life except that. I went back to my home country (NOT easy during covid) and was met with more food, even less exercise, and I started slipping back into the habits that had made me overweight before.
I didn't want to eat, I didn't think it would make me feel better like it had in the past, but I did anyway. I got a bit into the mindset of "x food isnt available in the country I live in now, might as well enjoy it while I'm here" and "I'll start back up again once I get home", I felt like I was existing in a little bubble of mourning but now it's been a month and I need to move forward. I was supposed to go back home yesterday but travel restrictions changed and my flight was cancelled. The soonest I can go back is in 2 weeks.
I need to get a grip on myself, I need to start the "moving forward" part and find a new normal, and I need to get back into dieting and exercising and caring about my body. It just seems so hard to do while I'm stuck in my home country, in my bubble. It doesn't seem like real life. I know I've gained weight since I've been here, I weighed myself yesterday and I'm at 198. This is the heaviest I want to be ever again, this is my new starting weight.
Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping and I'm gonna stop eating the unhealthy stuff that's been made so readily available to me. I'm gonna start logging my food again. As soon as I'm done typing this post, I'm gonna go exercise for the first time in a month and it will be the start of my new routine.
The first milestone weight I wanted to reach was 180, right now I'm 18 lbs away. I'm 2 months away from reaching my first goal. I'm starting again now, and nothing else is going to keep me from continuing on my weight loss journey.
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