We are fed so much conflicting information on the best ways to lose weight. Try this diet, try that one. No, those diets are no good - people tend to gain all the weight back after those diets. Instead try this one. My best friend Clara did it, and look at her now! She's kept off the weight for 5+ years! And then that attracts hundreds of people pleading and begging to know what this new diet is. How did she do it? What diet is this? Tell me, tell me. I'm so stuck. I've literally tried everything. Tell me what works.
r/loseit, r/fitness and many other subreddits have done this amazing thing where they dispel the myths, they simplify the "laws of weight loss", introduce the simple concept of CICO and even provide helpful subreddits to assist with dieting (r/caloriecount, r/fitmeals, r/juicing, r/keto, to name a few) and simultaneously have created extremely supportive communities of encouraging, championing and a wholesome camaraderie which creates such a healthy, positive atmosphere. And I love it.
And yet, some of us are still struggling.
This post is not for those that are making headway on their goals. This post is not for those who have adopted principles of weight loss that are effectively leading them towards their goals. This post is also not for those who have a possible medical reason which prevents them from making progress (See a doctor if you feel that something medically may be affecting you).
This post is for those who are frustrated. Those who are feeling stuck and hopeless that nothing is working for them.
Disclaimer: This post is just things I've compiled over the years from various authors on the subject. I'm sure not everything in it is widely accepted and I encourage you to point out things I may have missed. I'm sure some will disagree - perhaps vehemently so. Let it be knows this is an opinion - not an objective analysis.
Many of these points will crossover. I hope I haven't made it too confusing.
1. Acknowledgment
I put this first because I hear it so often. "I don't eat that much", or "I just have a slower metabolism". While these things may be true in certain cases (and in such instances, perhaps seeing a professional may be the appropriate route), the majority of people use these 'tactics' to shift blame outside of their control. The common factor is almost always denial. Perhaps it's the fear of knowing a change must be made. Perhaps it's not wanting to admit that one's habits are not the best. The bottom line is that, until a person is willing to step up and say, "I've created this", they will not be able to say "I can change this".
2. Kindness
This is not easy. I want to repeat that because so many blame themselves. This. Is. NOT. Easy. You are not failing. You are learning. You are growing. The frustration you feel is what I would compare to growing pains. As soon as you start making progress, it can very often hurt. That implies growth - and is the best indication to keep at it! This is a tough journey. Realize that this takes time. Be patient with yourself. When you slip, think of the positive things you've done so far. Use that as a reason to keep going.
3. Environment
I've seen this firsthand many times. People are not around healthy people. Change your surroundings. If you cannot, try to schedule your day so you're spending most of your day in a healthy atmosphere. Whether this means being outdoors, or getting a job which keeps you away from the unhealthy environment. I have friend who has made a lot of progress but it suddenly stalls or even reverses when he visits his parents. So he's learned to make his visits minimal. Sometimes a job is not a good environment either. Quit it. No job, no money, no friendship, no relationship, or any other endeavor is worth it, if it puts you in a negative environment. If you really cannot change your environment, or it's very difficult (say, you need that job, or you have no money to move or cannot spend time outdoors), try to change the environment in your mind. Do what you can. Your environment is directly correlated to your success. You come first.
4. Perspective
This can encompass many areas of your progress but the thing I wanted to touch on most is calories - specifically CICO (calories in, calories out). Let me try to reframe this. CICO is not the reason you aren't losing weight. Yes, eating less works. However - and this point is crucial to understand - eating too much is not the ultimate cause. It's the proximate cause. Let me explain. Say someone is addicted to their phone. They see a professional and the professional says, well... hmm according to recent studies, the reason for this is that you are using your phone too much. The patient sits there and thinks... well yeah no sht. I want to know *why. Why do I feel the need to do that? Why do I constantly seek comfort or stimulation from my phone? It's the same thing here. Sure, a person gains weight from eating too much. But telling the person that that's the reason they are gaining weight, just isn't helpful. It may be true. But they want to know WHY. Telling a person to eat less, is like telling a depressed person that the reason they're depressed is because they are feeling depressed. Saying the reason of gaining weight is eating too many calories is just stating an irrelevant fact that in no way helps the person actually EAT less.
That brings us to the ultimate cause. If eating too much is the proximate cause, then what is the ultimate cause?
For this, it can be many factors. And this is what this post is all about.
5. Reason
Some people want to lose weight but don't have a strong enough reason to. Sometimes for change to happen one needs to be sick of it. Being comfortable and okay with how you are, is the biggest hindrance. Take some time to formulate a reason of why this means a lot to you. What does it mean to you? How does this improve your life? Is losing weight really your goal? Maybe it's more about accepting who you already are. Think about these things. These are important questions for embarking on a life journey!
A couple of points I wanted to make or just clear up.
- #1 says it's all your fault. This isn't always how it started. Usually an outside or environmental factors largely affected one's habits. The takeaway is that letting it continue is where each person should own and take responsibility for.
- #1 and #2 may seem to conflict. #1 says you're to blame, and #2 says be kind to yourself. The idea here is to recognize that those can co-exist.
- #3 I understand is very difficult. It's unfortunate sometimes. Accepting this may be the only way. Don't let that deter you. Don't wait around, you can do this!
- #4 is hard to wrap one's head around. We are constantly told calories, calories, calories. Yes, it's true. I eat too many calories. BUT WHY. That's where the real progress takes place.
- Sometimes we aren't ready to change. Try to get sick of it. Envision where you will be in 5 years time. Still the same. Still struggling. How does that feel?
A SYNOPSIS:
1: Acknowledgement - the single most important thing to eating less.
Solution 1: Be proactive. Focus on your circle of influence. Say "What do I know instead of focusing on What don't I know. In the same vein, say "What can I do, not "What can't I do"
Solution 2: Use your imagination and visualization to project you at your final goal. Feel what that feels like.
2: Kindness - a common slope people slip on.
Solution 1: Don't let acknowledging things you need to work on affect how you value yourself. You are worthy of this. It's okay. We are all human.
Solution 2: Things take time. If you don't see progress right away, that's okay. Keep at it and you will. I promise this.
3: Environment - the one most overlooked
Solution 1: Schedule your day so it's mostly outdoors.
Solution 2: Move out.
4: Perspective - the one that's most rarely stated
Solution 1: Think what your ultimate cause may be ( it may be nothing said in this post).
Solution 2: Challenge yourself to see your journey in another way.
5: Reason - the one that depletes motivation
Solution 1: Write a pros and cons list of what the difference would be if you get to your goal weight vs. stay the same.
Solution 2: Ask yourself right now why this is something you want. Be specific.
Saved this for last because this is crucial.
6. TGR
The golden rule: Do what works for you. In the beginning of the post I mentioned all this confusing contradictory advice etc. The truth is, it mostly doesn't matter. And the truth is, you aren't Clara. It doesn't matter what worked for her. Most things do work if you stick to them. It's not important to do it the right way because there is no right way. Do what works for you.
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