Excessive weight loss: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’m posting this, absolutely terrified. For years I’d never show my body. Not even to close friends or family members. It was something to be hidden under clothing.
And as I sit here, at 138 lbs I still feel that need to hide it.
My body didn’t recover, in that I have a lot of excess skin.
New insecurities have arisen. I’ve got fuckin bat wings for Christ’s sake, and not the cool kind.
My tummy sags and my legs wrinkle.
I went from being a large woman who is now often referred to as tiny.
I’m desperately trying to love this new me. I worked hard for it. I remind myself each day that this body has been to hell and back. It has loved me and carried me through despite my self loathing and years of punishment.
This sagging skin though, is a reminder of how far I’ve come. Despite how much I might dislike looking at it, it could still be all of that heavy weight.
I can breathe now. I can walk without a slight waddle. I can trek across 4 countries and only feel mildly of death rather than knocking on the devils door. Sex is awesome now. Hiking is a breeze. Sleeping is far more comfortable. My skin is clearer and glowing. My knees don’t hurt like the used to. My feet don’t ache after only a few hours. That flight of stairs doesn’t look so daunting.
I feel better. In so many ways, and each day as I look in the mirror and say “you’re a deflated balloon” I try my best to counter it. You aren’t your appearance. You are your strength, your perseverance, your ability to adapt and to grow.
Maybe one day I’ll get surgery to remove this excess stuff, but until then I must remain proud of myself. I must love myself for who I am and who I have become.
Thank you body, for never giving up on me. Thank you mind, for trying to overcome the overwhelming and intrusive thoughts of self loathing.
I am here and I am imperfect.
My body deserves nothing less than god damn respect.NSFW/Progress Pics
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