For years I've been telling myself I won't buy new clothes until I lose weight. I'd heard that rewarding yourself with food isn't a great idea, and I've always wanted to have a cuter sense of style, so it made sense to buy some new cute clothes for my weight loss progress.
Well, it's been years, and the scale is moving entirely in the opposite direction. I actually just commented on another post here for the first time in a while and saw my flair..from 4 years ago. Starting weight back then was 208.... I ended up changing it to reflect my highest weight. It was pretty frustrating to see that, honestly. I had 4 years to accomplish my goal, and I completely lost sight of it.
Anyway, I've been putting off buying clothes for so long that the ones I have are falling apart. I've been wearing jeans to work with holes in the thighs (curse you chub rub) because I don't have any other options. It's embarrassing. So today I went online and bought 4 pairs of jeans and a pair of shorts. I was able to find a sale on plus size denim, which was why I felt like I could get so many pairs. Jeans are not cheap!
I guess the reason I'm telling you this is, I realized I've been inadvertently punishing myself for my weight and body shape by not buying clothes. I wore everything to the point where they're not wearable, and then I kept wearing them? I realize now that was not fair to myself. I hadn't really set myself up for success, and when I inevitably failed to reach my goals I just kept being stubborn about it.
So now I have 5 pairs of pants on the way, plus some cute looking underwear. The pants are all US size 18, and the underwear are 2XL. I haven't bought clothes in so long, I hope those sizes are right lol. I'm going to think of this as a fresh start. It's about time for me to start loving who I am today, not just who I could be tomorrow.
I still don't have a plan in place for how I'm gonna lose the weight. My personality makes it challenging for me to make lifestyle changes that stick. I might need to work on that first. In any case, this is me telling myself and you that it's ok, and probably very helpful, to take a good honest look at where you are right now and accept it. No hard feelings, no hate, just acceptance. I never accepted myself as I was, and looking back that's probably how I got to where I am. Here's to loving ourselves unconditionally.
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