Hey all, M32 5'9" SW: 310 CW:290
I've been lurking for a while here having been going through my own challenges with mental health, binge eating disorder, and weight fluctuations. I'm a career firefighter so I am in a "shape" but throughout life have been a constant binge eater. I carry a lot of extra weight around and it makes me feel very inadequate at my job. I often feel irresponsible and unreliable.
Daily stress, trauma, and anxiety often take a pretty heavy toll and ever since I've gotten on the job I really struggle with controlling my urge to binge. Over the last year I got covid, double pneumonia, the flu twice, and a back injury, it gave me a lot of time to myself, isolated and alone. Thats what weight loss can feel like to me.
I'm writing this because I'm finding more courage in opening up about these things. While I am still overeating, the binging has decreased and if I over eat, it's from relatively healthy choices and quality food (I'm I'm pretty decent cook). I'm not looking to lose weight fast or make huge changes, been there, tried that. What I'm having success with is slowly and methodically choosing to make decisions that want lead me down a negative rabbit hole that ends with a $40 binge at the BK Lounge or whatever weapon of fast food choice that's available.
Tonight was close, but I can happily report that I fought off a potential binge and just made myself some tea instead. I so badly wanted to get in my car and go get food, but I was able to stop myself. It almost didn't work, the internal battle is constant, trying to find excuses, allowing permissions of "just this once" or "tomorrow I'm gonna crush it", both deals that I've made with myself. This only set myself up for disaster the next day because I would feel like crapola trying to get out of bed or I'd toss and turn with a stomach ache throughout the night. In order to find why I was craving a binge, I had to go inward, understand that I'm feeling anxious, and remember the terrible feeling that comes after binging...it worked. It might seem like something insignificant for many of you who have had so much success and I truly hope to achieve that for myself. For those of you who struggle every day, lurk, and are overwhelmed by how much work there is to do, these thngs are a huge victory. Do the little things, challenge your old programming, cycles and habits...one step at a time.
If you've read this long, thank you for your support and lending me some of your attention. We can all string together healthy decisions and improve our relationship with ourselves and the way in which we treat our bodies!
Good luck to everyone else out there !
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