Late 2017/early 2018 was one of the worst periods of my life. Without going into detail, I made a lot of mistakes and nearly destroyed everything I've been building for the past 7 years since my mom died. Everything came to a head earlier this year, and while I'd stopped making the mistakes, I could still feel the repercussions, and I was left broken and lost.
6 months ago, I'd reached a point in my recovery where I needed to find a new way to self care- I was tired of lying in bed watching Friends, eating disco fries (aka New Jersey Poutine), and feeling sorry for myself. I'd been following a friend's fitness journey, and although I was skeptical that I'd stick to it, I figured it would be a decent start and at least get me out of the house and moving.
It was hard. It was so hard. I've always wanted to be a fitness junkie but depression, anxiety, and general executive dysfunction meant that I couldn't get myself to commit to any sort of fitness regime for more than a month at most.
This program, Kayla Itsines' Bikini Body Guide which I did via the Sweat app, wasn't any easier. I had to do the beginner program, which is a 4-week mini program to preface the main 12-week BBG 1.0 program, twice because I fell out of the habit for two weeks and I refused to let myself go into 1.0 without being consistent with the beginner program. And even when I did go into 1.0 after following the beginner program consistently, I had a very hard time. I was incredibly sore all the time for the first few weeks, I skipped cardio a lot, and I had to talk myself into going to the gym almost every day.
But, little by little, it got easier. I still had days where I had to force myself to go to the gym and even days I just completely skipped, but I'd just do that week again if I didn't finish all the resistance training for it. I still skipped cardio a lot. But most importantly, I kept going. And even when my weight loss progress stalled, I refused to let it stop me.
On Saturday, I finished the BBG 1.0 program. I (relatively) consistently worked out for 6 months straight. It's an enormous accomplishment for me, as someone who gets discouraged so easily, and I am so proud. I still have a long way to go to reach my goals, but seeing all this progress in my strength (I can almost do a full pushup!) and stamina has kept me going. I feel better than I did when I was constantly moping, and I can work through my emotions in a healthy way now.
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