First off - disclaimer, I hope my title didn’t make anyone who has had WLS feel bad. I just don’t know if it’s the right option but I am seriously frustrated and at a loss of what to do. More below.
So, I created this throwaway account because I am so ashamed of myself. I am 5’9 and weigh 275lbs. In December of last year I was down to 230lbs. I have gained 45lbs in ten months. And if I’m being honest with myself, it was probably more like 30lbs just over this past summer alone.
I have issues with anxiety that somehow seemed amplified by my weight loss. I had a big event in my life in April that just kind of triggered it all. I started taking an anti anxiety medicine in May and I just ate nonstop after. I just felt like I had no impulse control and no care in the world. Finally after a summer of being in a fog I decided I couldn’t take that med anymore and asked to be taken off of it. Immediately my head cleared.
I was beyond upset with myself when I stepped on the scale and saw that the three years of work I’ve put in to go from 290 to 230 has nearly been undone by a few months time. I’m devastated.
I don’t know what else to do. I’ve had all my bloodwork done and everything comes back normal. There’s no underlying condition that causes my weight. I feel like I have all the desires to fix it but lack in execution. I feel like I have a beginning and an end in mind but can’t figure out how to get from A to C.
I am ready to schedule an appointment for a sleeve consult. Or whatever surgery they find suitable. The downsides are that my insurance will not cover anything weight related. They denied contrave, denied Belviq, don’t cover anything surgical weight loss. I am trying to simultaneously save for a wedding and a house and I am so disgusted with myself that I am ready to throw all my wishes away just to stop being so fucking fat.
I desperately want to have a child one day. I am 33 years old and my window is closing. I know if I get the surgery they advise not to get pregnant for at least 16 months. That’s another dream I may have to ditch just to save myself.
I have the exercise portion down pat. I go to a boot camp style workout program 3-5 times a week. The weeks I only go 3x a week I make myself walk on the treadmill at my regular gym (yes, I am currently for two gym memberships). I have a desk job that I work long hours at, that I am lucky if I get in 1,000 steps a day. It’s brutal. So I do try and force myself to work out afterwards.
If anyone has any insight, tips, criticism, etc., give it to me. I need to be slapped upside the head and shook silly.
For the record, I am writing this from the treadmill on my phone at the gym. With tears in my eyes. But I’m here, at the gym. Step one I guess?
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