Today I had Some hard feelings I want to talk about. I started my weight loss journey January 2, 2017. I weighed 315 pounds, I was mortified I had weighed myself in years and let my work in college stress build up on my body. I got started on keto last year and it straight for five months losing a total of 55 pounds or so. I ended out my keto session for that year at 253lbs. I was very proud of myself and happy with my body at that time feeling much thinner and much more confident. Since then I have fluctuated in with going up and down and going in and out of the keto diet and exercise. I started this year at 273 LB’s and have now dropped down to 260/258.I didn’t mind the extra weight above the 253 because I felt as though I’ve been working out heavily and was feeling stronger like I put on more muscle. I was feeling good my shirts feel like they were feeling better and I was about ready for summer. (I know 253 is by no means thin but I am a 6 foot tall male with broad shoulders and I am told I carry weight just fine for my body type). I’m getting married in late June and have been doing low-carb/insanity workouts now for two weeks.
WHERE IT HIT ME TODAY. Today I took my shirt off to look at my form in an exercise mirror while I did insanity. I was mortified by my own appearance. The feeling of confidence enough to take my shirt off and exercise set me up for a big danger of shame. And I let myself fall right into the trap. I struggle with my weight and feeling fat and ugly all my life. I really started thinking about how I feel undesirable sexually. I’ve never had a hard time getting a girlfriend but I have had girlfriends leave me because of my weight. It’s starting to really get to me because I’ve been working so hard. I know nothing comes quickly but I want to at least feel confident in my wedding.I finished my work out and I feel a little better. But that feelingOf confidence to take my shirt off swiftly followed by the shame of seeing my belly hanging over the top of my shorts killed me a little bit today. I’m not much of a regular but today had me feeling the way that I feel like I need to tell somebody and I don’t think that my very thin fiancé would understand. My weight is the one thing I would really love to change about myself. I feel like I’m a catch all the other ways I have a good education I have a good job, I’m funny and friendly and everyone says I’m a nice guy. I just want to be sexy. It hit me hard today feeling like I haven’t made it anywhere. Sometimes I worry that because others in the past have left me due to my weight that my future wife will leave me because of my weight
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2UJzVWm
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