So I’ve been on the CICO wagon for just over two years now. I’ve lost 81.6lbs so far, going from 236lbs to 154.4lbs (my stats by my username wont reflect this as I haven’t updated in a while).
Recently we had professional ‘candid’ photos taken at work and I got a chance to see them today. Needless to say, I hate how I look in them. I don’t know if it’s me or the photographer, but I have a huge, round double chin in all the photos. Plus wonky teeth, dry frizzy hair and a dumb gurning expression in each one.
Something I’ve struggled with this entire journey is the fact that there is no space for post-weight loss bodies in the ‘body positivity’ community. Follow any of the staunch bopo social accounts and they’ll go on and on about how weight loss and counting calories is evil. I ended up detaching from the bopo mindset a looong time ago but during my weight loss I found new things to hate about myself on top of the old things (saggy breasts, flabby fat and never looking thin enough). Only now, I had no way to manage those feelings, so my self esteem became dependent on SV/NSV. So much so that I’m easily crushed by bad photos and ill fitting clothes because it makes me feel like nothing has changed.
I feel like I’m in a place where I don’t even know if my weight loss achievement is as significant as I thought it was. I look at these photos and, to me, I look exactly the same as when I was 80lbs heavier. I’m deeply upset by the fact that I’ve worked so god damn hard for two years to wind up still feeling trapped inside an obese body. I look at r/progresspics and think everyone looks amazing, but looking at my own before and afters I think the difference is minimal.
I don’t know anyone else IRL who has lost a big chunk of weight, so I don’t have anyone who understands how I feel. I feel like I worked so hard for nothing, because I’m still stuck looking like myself. Does anyone else feel this way? Sorry for the rant.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2lVKSsJ
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