I gained a lot of weight when I started to date my boyfriend in 2017–about 6-10 pounds. Before I met him, I was 115 and that was my ideal weight. I wish I wasn’t so insecure. I thought I was truly fat because I didn’t look like other girls. I would work out for HOURS. I wouldn’t eat until I was full, but enough so that I wouldn’t faint.
I remember the day I found out I broke 120 pounds and I freaked out. I was at the health center getting my weight checked because I decided to go on birth control (which also caused me to gain another few pounds, but I needed it a lot). This is when I started to get more depressed and stressed about my appearance and went through multiple phases of making myself throw up and such, which I no longer do.
I also realized I was getting older when I noticed that I could no longer eat two bags of hot cheetos puffs in one day without gaining weight. When I was 16, I was able to eat all sorts of foods and still have a flat stomach and a nice body. HAHAHAHHAHA, what a wake up call that has been when I am almost turning 19.
Instead of losing weight this past year, I found myself gaining weight because I was selfish. I gained ten pounds over the summer because every time I got a good score on my chemistry quiz, I would end up at a dessert place and treat myself. I ended up getting good scores a lot and ended up eating and adding more onto my treat. I would order an appetizer, meal, and dessert because I thought I deserved it.
However, my body didn’t deserve any of that maltreatment. While my mind was temporarily happy eating all that food, I became depressed and even more insecure about my body. I had never been this heavy before. I currently weight 134 pounds and for a female who is 5’2” and has shorter torso than average (my height went to my legs for whatever reason), the weight definitely shows on my waist.
I recently decided to have a change in my mindset. I come from a family with heart disease, diabetes, and a plethora of illnesses that I know is in my genes and that I can avoid by simply changing my lifestyle. I am going to start being selfish for the right reasons. I am going to treat myself better so that I can live a longer life, be healthier, lose weight, be fit, and help my confidence so that I stop beating down my image every time I look in the mirror.
I’ve been eating less than 1200 calories for a few days and even though it’s been hard at times, especially because midterm season is right now, I feel proud of myself whenever I combat my hunger with something else. I feel healthier and not as bloated anymore. I am going to be selfish for the right reasons.
My goal is to be 105-110 pounds by however long it takes me, though I do hear that most people shed the bulk of their weight loss in the first couple of months and I am extremely excited to see my progress. I know it takes time and I tend to be impatient, but I’ve seen wonders through many progress pics. Although I do feel uncomfortable posting pictures of myself on the Internet in a public forum, I will be sure to make updates whether or not it’s small for my own keeping and motivation :)
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