[24/f 5'3" sw:77.5kg cw:69.3kg gw:55kg]
The title seeme very straight forward but i just want to add a bit of background. First time posting, please bear with me. This is going to be very long.
Tl;dr what's your motivation to keep moving forward?
I've always been seen as someone on the heavier side. I was the big girl who people would described as having big bones that's why i never looked small/thin. As a child, the only validation i had was when i ate all the food on my plate while my older sister was a picky eater. I had low self esteem and never cared that i was eating way more than needed until I reached high school.
High school was the time i discovered kpop and kdramas and how these korean girls were always so beautiful and skinny. I wanted to be like thembut i knew i was far off. I was too big. So i attempted my first ever diet at 14 years old. Cutting back my rice intake and by the end of that school year i lost 8kg. I went from 68kg to 60kg. Now after that i just did whatever and ate whatever, but the club i joined was pretty physical so I'm not sure if i gained any significant weight by then. However i was still seen as a big girl. I continued to ask myself why I couldn't be thin like the rest of my classmates.
University came and it was during this time period that i was too busy with school. I always had weight loss at the back of my mind but only half assedly did something about it. I'd count calories and exercise exercise for a few weeks, stop and then returned to my old habits. Year after year i did the same thing. I knew i was getting bigger, but I couldn't help myself with the kind of schedule that i had and the people i hung around with.
Then came graduation. Not sure how much i weighed but I thought i was still under 70kg. I wasn't. It was during my first job when i weighed myself again and discovered I was approaching 80kg. I wanted to do something about it. But at that time, i ate with my workmates and they always gave me whatever was left on their plate so i ate a lot more than i needed. I couldn't refuse too because I didn't like seeing food go to waste (very big issue for me). For some reason i quit my first job and found myself idle for a month. I tried one week of water fast and lost 4 kg in that short period. I know it's not healthy to do this all at once but i've read someone do it and i was curious.
Got hired and for the first few months i was eating and drinking booze like crazy. That was until March 25, 2019 came and i finally did something about it, me and my friends went to the gym for the first time. We continued going for about two months. I didn't weigh myself during this time, I didn't count calories. It was june when we stopped going to the gym and started running. It was also the first time that i weighed myself this year. I was devastated when i saw 77.5 kg on the scale. After that i watched my calorie intake using MyFitnessPal and started weighing myself once every two weeks. Gradually, I lost 8.2 kg which was a very big feat for me. I've gone below 70kg.
The thing is that my main motivation for loosing weight was to have a better and healthier life, i want to lose more weight and be fitter and look more toned and reach a healthy weight bracket (61kg according to my bmi) but i just couldn't find a motivation to keep me moving forward. I feel like i should exercise more, but my mind just keeps telling me that it's okay to have reached a weight of below 70kg. I lost the burning passion for weight loss which i once had.
I want to ask people going through the same journey, what kept them motivated to become fit and reach their goal? What burning desire makes you jog every day and eat consciously every single meal? I want to achieve more but my brain double takes and asks me if i really do want to go through all that trouble. It's a mental battle. I feel like I'm sabotaging myself.
If you took time to read and reply thank you. Sorry for the long post. 🙏
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