My dad died 1.5 years ago. I used to be at a perfect weight for my age and height and had a beautiful pear shaped body which made me feel confident, sexy, but most of all healthy. I actually never felt unhealthy before I gained all of the weight, which now puts me deep in the overweight category (BMI). I was under a lot of stress and didn't care what I ate. Didn't have any motivation for exercising. I had always been an emotional eater, but this time it was different. Every single bite stuck. I know that the stress has a lot to do with it because for the fist time in my life, I gained a lot of weight in my midsection and it is definitely a stress pouch. I got sooo many stretch marks at 23 and it looks like I've pushed out two kids. I didn't know it was possible to get stretch marks on your breasts, but here we are. My hormones changed. I used to have a perfect 28 day cycle, but my weight made me ovulate late, if I even ovulate at all. I got an aggressive yeast infection for the first time in my life. None of my clothes fit. People have been saying the nastiest comments about my body, constantly reminding me how different I look. Covid has only made it worse and being stuck at home added at least another 15 pounds. I stopped counting. I got an elliptical about a month ago and started strong, but I couldn't resist the holiday food. Then I lost motivation again. The biggest problem I have with motivating myself is knowing that if I want to make a significant change, I'd have to cut down to a 1200 calories a day for a longer period of time. I know everyone is talking about 'sustainable weight loss', but I don't believe it will work. Adele tried sustainable weight loss and ended up losing the weight on a 1200 calorie diet. I hate that it has to be this way. I am a foodie and food has always brought me such pleasure and joy and I never had a problem with it until I was in deep grief. My partner is also a foodie and our home is filled with delicious and delicatessen snacks, which I don't want to give up. I don't want to have to count calories. I want to be able to eat everything I want and exercise and feel good like I used to. But in order to lose all of this weight I have to restrict myself to a diet for at least 3 months and I don't want to. I feel like life already punished me by taking my dad from me, now I have to punish myself and my body for the natural reaction it had? I have to take away my rich, tasty foods or else I am stuck with this body? Why? It's not fair. I am so unmotivated, as I sit here in my newly ripped jeans (I ripped all of my jeans) and even though I wanna laugh at myself, I am just so heartbroken over what happened to my body. I understand that I have a responsibility in it, but looking back, I know that I wasn't strong enough to make better food choices. Is there a fellow foodie who can offer me encouragement, perhaps some hope? I need to feel like there is a way to enjoy food, to enjoy life, and yet still be at a healthy weight. Thanks for reading and sorry for my rant - I really needed to vent.
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