Wednesday, April 28, 2021

I worked out today for the first time in three years

And it. Sucked.

I hated it. I hated feeling everything move as I jogged. I hated having to pull my workout pants up every five freaking seconds. I hated feeling like I was going to puke after ten minutes of pretty light cardio.

I have PCOS (lower end of the severity spectrum, but making it impossible to lose weight is my biggest symptom) and before my husband and I got married I was working out 3x/week with a personal trainer and seeing a dietician and could not lose any weight- I was 180 and 5’4”. After we get married I was fortunate enough to get pregnant. No more drinking, fruit craving (I don’t love fruit ordinarily), and a bowling ball sitting on half of my stomach (full much faster) and I ended up losing 30 lbs by being pregnant. I kept it off for about a year between nursing and workout out again- I found it so much easier to be motivated to work out when I was lighter. Working out made me stronger and lessened my chronic neck and back pain.

But four years later with life with a child and a pandemic and I’m at 175. I have serious anxiety about how uncomfortable I am in clothes that aren’t loungewear and feel a pretty intense sense of doom when I consider dedicating myself back to the pursuit of weight loss. I want to have more energy so I can play more with my kiddo and do more in our home- I don’t want to be winded by a quick jog down the front yard.

I guess I’m needing some support.

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